The Role of Women Who Are Wives

Transcript

GR 2331
11/14/2021
The Role of Women Who Are Wives
Ephesians 5:21-24
Gil Rugh


We're going to Ephesians 5 in your Bibles. We're in the section of Ephesians that deals with the application of the doctrine that he presented in the first three chapters. Ephesians as we have it now in our Bibles is comprised of six chapters and the first three chapters really laid the doctrinal foundation for what he wants to exhort us to put into practice in chapters 4, 5 and 6. He's talked about our walk, be careful how we walk in Ephesians 5:15, “Therefore be careful how you walk.” Then in verse 18 the contrast, “Do not get drunk with wine… but be filled with the Spirit.” It is essential that we not only know the Word but we do the Word and you can't separate them. You really don't know the Word if your goal is not to put it into practice, if you are trying to put into practice what you really don't know, you just have a general idea of it. Again, the two go together, knowing the Word and doing the Word.

Leave a marker in Ephesians 5, come back to Matthew 7. We are in what is known as the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7 and Jesus addresses this whole issue of obedience to the Word. The emphasis in verse 15 reminds of the danger of false prophets, those who profess to be representing God but are not. Matthew 7:16 said, “You will know them by their fruits.” Then in verse 20, “So then, you will know them by their fruits.” That emphasis, you'll know them by how they conform to the Word of God, what they do with the doctrine that they have been taught. Do they really live it out? So verse 21 says, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father, who is in heaven,” that's the one who will enter. So you see the contrast, it's not just knowing but it is doing. “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name do many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’ ” So they can prophesy in His name, they can cast out demons in His name, they can perform many miracles in His name, doing all this supposedly out of some kind of relationship and empowering of them with the person of Christ. And yet they are totally foreign to Him. He says, “I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” You see the practice and the knowledge, the practice and the knowledge. And be very careful because sometimes the practice is let go of before the knowledge. So we have people going to Protestant and Catholic churches who claim to know something about the Bible but really the implementing of it in their lives is lacking and the reality of it is they have no relationship with the Lord of the Scripture.

Come back to Ephesians 5. That's what he is talking about in chapters 4, 5 and 6, he's talking about the walk of the believer as we had in Ephesians 5:15. He's talking about being filled the Spirit and they are two sides of the same coin, they are saying basically the same thing. If you are walking as you should, you will be under the control, you will be filled with the Holy Spirit. Let me just give you the four characteristics of everyone who is a believer. We do it with the acronym R-I-B-S. ‘R’ stands for regeneration. You are regenerated by the Holy Spirit, made new as a person in Christ. Come over to Titus 3:5, “He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration.” So that's where we get that expression ‘regeneration’ in the acronym RIBS. Regeneration. “By the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior.” So we are regenerated the moment we believe. That's the issue. It's not I live a life that is pretty good, I live a life that I don't think you'd find a lot wrong with. That doesn't get you there. You must be born again, you must be made new by the Spirit of God, by placing your faith in what Christ has done for you on the cross. So that's regeneration.

Indwelling is the work of the Holy Spirit in indwelling, dwelling within the life of a person. This is crucial because you can't be filled or controlled by the Spirit if He is not indwelling you. This becomes crucial. Come back to Romans 8, just give you a verse for each of these. So this is the ‘I’ in the RIBS, R-I-B-S. Romans 8:9, “However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ he does not belong to Him.” There is no such thing as a Christian who is not indwelt by the Holy Spirit of God. If you don't have the Spirit, you don't belong to Him. That states it as clearly as it could be in Romans 8:9.

The ‘B’ in the RIBS is for the baptism of the Spirit. That occurs to every believer. So regeneration, that's foundational; indwelling, that's a result of being made new by the Spirit, He also takes up residence in your life; you are baptized by the Spirit. Come over to 1 Corinthians 12:13, it says it very simply, “For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body.” And that is universally the same for every believer, whether you are Jew or Greek, slave or free, we are made to partake of one Spirit, “to drink of one Spirit. The body is not one member, but many,” but there is one body. So it's the baptism of the Spirit and that is described for us in detail in Romans 6, you can go back and read that at your leisure. So the baptism of the Spirit is the work of the Spirit that identified you with Jesus Christ in His death, burial and resurrection. So when I place my faith in Christ alone, God viewed me as having died with Christ, was buried with Christ, was raised with Christ a new person. So I was made new in Christ and indwelt with the Spirit of God.

And then also His sealing ministry. And you can come back to Ephesians, we'll pick it up in Ephesians. Ephesians 1:13, “In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation.” That's repeated emphasis, the gospel of your salvation is the good news that you can be saved by placing your faith in Christ and Him alone. “Having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as the pledge of our inheritance,” as a down payment, “with a view to the redemption of God's own possession.” So we have the Holy Spirit and that is God's guarantee that there is coming a day in the future when He will transform these bodies and bring them into conformity with the body of His resurrected glory. And then we will be perfect in every way. But we have the Holy Spirit as a seal. In Ephesians 4:30, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” That's God's guarantee to us that what He has begun, He will complete. So I can be sure, death won't affect that. I will some day be resurrected, joined with those who don't die and together we will be glorified in His presence at the rapture of the church.

So regeneration, indwelling, baptism, sealing. Those are four works of the Spirit that happen immediately and simultaneously. When we are regenerated we are indwelt, when we are indwelt we are baptized, when we are baptized we are sealed. Those four things happened at the moment you placed your faith in Jesus Christ. If you didn't place your faith in Christ, then everything else is just external form and we're back to what we read in Matthew 7 where you can prophesy in His name, cast out demons in His name and perform many miracles in His name and He will say I never knew you. How do you do those works? The point is that I never knew you, that's what I have to deal with. Do I really know Him or am I just conforming because . . . Some of you were raised in this church, you've heard the truth, you've pretty well conformed your life but that doesn't mean you have been born again, born from above.

Now we do all this because when we come to Ephesians 5 in verse 18 where it says, “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,” that's a present tense, that's an ongoing reality for us. Those four things we did with RIBS of the Holy Spirit's work happened the moment we were saved. We are not to grieve the Holy Spirit, the One who sealed us for the day of redemption, but that sealing has taken place with His taking up residence in our lives. But now be filled with the Holy Spirit is an ongoing responsibility, it means to be controlled by the Spirit, to do what the Spirit directs which is in accord with the Word of God. Now there is a distinction between trying to conform myself to the Word of God and having the Spirit of God conform me from within. But with the ministry of God's truth, the functioning of the gifts together. So you note, we looked at verses following verse 18 which commanded us to be filled with the Spirit. We're not commanded to be indwelt by the Spirit as believers because we are already indwelt. But as believers we are commanded to “be filled with the Spirit,” under His control, doing what He would have us to do, bringing us more and more into conformity with His Word. And there were four participles, five really of ‘ing’ as we have in English for our participles in verse 19—speaking, singing, making melody. The variations in there are not great but you can go back and look at those. Giving thanks in verse 20 and then verse 21 and for some reason in our New American Standard Bibles we have not done an ‘ing’ word but literally as you have it in your margin, ‘being subject’. Verse 21, “Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” That's an evidence of the Spirit's work, the mutual interaction we have. That's why it is important we get together, that we be together, that we function together.

We've had an issue of a disease or a virus, for a while the churches shut down but it comes to a point where you say we can't be what God says we are to be. Hebrews 10 says we are not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together. I can get it on the Internet. Well, that's fine but this is not a school, this is a church and in a church we need to be together, to function together. We minister… Not just I sing the songs at home. Well, that's nice, that is giving praise to God but you are also to be doing it to one another. So the mutuality is lost if we are not together. We can be together again, we're thankful for that. I realize there are some who have to stay at home because of illnesses and so on, but basically we want to be careful, we don't want to just stay home because it has become convenient to be at home and I can turn it on. But you are not part of the body, you are not functioning together, we're not doing it to one another. And we are “being subject” in verse 21, “to one another in the fear of Christ.” And that's a good translation there, ‘the fear of Christ’. Doesn't mean just abject terror but it's more than respect. It is, I don't want to do anything that displeases Him.

It is used down at the end of this section on the husband/wife relationship in verse 33 but they've translated it in the text differently. You'll note, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Now you have in the margin there with that little #1, ‘fear’. It's the same word as you had up in verse 21, “Be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” “And the wife must see to it that she fears her husband.” And it really is the opening and the closing of that section on the husband and the wife and we're going to focus on the wife's role and responsibility and then the next lesson we'll study on the husband. Then we'll all have it understood properly. And they are not dependent on one another. It's not wives submit to your husbands if they are believing, loving, kind, everything a husband should be. Or husbands love your wives when they submit and be everything they should be. Each one is dealt with as their own and fully accountable and responsible even when you have an unbelieving husband, as we'll get to that and we'll look in some of the passages. You still submit to him, respect him and obey him in all things.

So “being subject to one another in the fear of Christ” is a transition. It is connected to what goes before it because it all comes out of Ephesians 5:18, “be filled with the Spirit.” Those five participles modify the main verb that we mentioned, and the fifth one here in verse 21 is “being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” I don't want to do anything that displeases Him, I don't want to function in any way that would be contrary to what He wants me to do and to be. Then we'll end this section on the husband and the wife in the same emphasis.

He picks up in verse 22, and you'll note the word ‘be subject’ to your own husbands, the word ‘be subject’, the verb is not repeated. It is just assumed from the previous verse which is built on verse 18. The main verb, the imperative command is “be filled with the Spirit.” And then the evidence of that is with the ‘ing’ words that we have noted, the fifth one being in verse 21, “being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” Now being filled with the Spirit and then verse 15, walking in the Spirit are basically the same thing.

Before we go on maybe we should go back to Romans 8. We'll look at verse 4, “so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk,” now note there is our word ‘walk’, walk which we have in Ephesians 5:15, walk. “Who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” And then Romans 8:9, “However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.” So this indwelling Spirit is to control us, how we live out our lives, how we walk. So he has talked about the walk of the believer, particularly in chapter 4 it becomes the emphasis, from chapter 4 verse 1, and it is repeated in chapter 5, but we're talking about being under the control of the Spirit of God. So back to Ephesians 4, we'll just note them quickly. Verse 1, “Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” So that's the first three chapters. Down in verse 17, “Walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk,” Gentiles, that word for the general unbelieving population. I don't get the input for how I should conduct my life from the world around me. This is so important for where we are going to be shortly. Ephesians 5:1, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.” We are His children, we ought to be patterning our life after the God who is our Father. “And walk in love, just as Christ also loved you.” So there is the standard, that self-sacrifice, unselfish self-giving love. Walk in love and Christ is the example of that love. Down at the end of verse 8, “Walk as children of light.” And then we had verse 15, “Be careful how you walk.” And he told us how we ought not to walk. Then we don't put ourselves under the control of other things that would take over our lives, like drinking. “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation,” that puts you under control of something that you are out of control with. “But be filled with the Spirit,” and that means to be controlled. And then we had the five participles ending with verse 21 which transitions to the wives.

So verse 21, “being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands,” and we have that two words participle there, “in everything.” So if it didn't go any further it would be clear what the wife is to do and how she is to function. And verse 24 says she is to be subject to her husband in everything and we'll see in a moment that includes unbelieving husbands. It doesn't include sinning, but be careful. And I've been here a long time and I've had many conversations with husbands and wives and I've had wives who just said flat out I'm not doing it. Period. I'm not doing it. Well, what can I say? Scripture says this and you say you are not doing it but you say you are a believer. I think you need to back up and decide whose side are you on.

I want to walk through the Scripture here on a number of passages and then come back and pull this together in Ephesians 5, what it says about the role of women because we're talking about the wives. So women who are wives. Now single women, they have some freedom that married women don't have because they don't have a husband they have to be subject to. They have to be subject to their fathers but obviously you outgrow that and then there are guidelines. But the normal pattern. So let's go back to Genesis 2, we're just going to take this from the Old Testament. Genesis 2:18, “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him,’ ” fitting for him. And all the animals and so on were not of the same kind (as Adam). There is nothing in the animal world that fits what God intends for the husband and wife to bring to one another. So in all the animals God created, and they were perfect at that time, “there was not found a helper suitable for him,” the end of verse 20. “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned,” literally built, “into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, ‘This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.’ ” Now we're going to see when we get to the New Testament there is an order established there because the man was created first and the woman was created out of the man. That gives the man priority, it gives the man authority in the relationship. So we're back at the creation, the fall hasn't entered the picture. We'll see this in New Testament passages, but I just want to stress it now. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” So that's God's answer, that ultimately the man will find the fulfillment in the woman and the woman in the man. “They shall become one flesh,” that's expressed in the sexual relationship. Now that's not going to include everyone and Paul will talk about that, but that's generally the pattern.

In Genesis 3 sin enters the picture when the woman usurps the place of the man and the man follows and you have sin. And then there is a blame that goes on. Verse 12, “The man said, ‘The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.’ ” What could I do? “And the woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me,’ ” he said “you will be like God,” verse 5, and you'll know good from evil. And there was an element of truth in that, she knew evil like she never knew it before because she became an evil being. And the Lord God just takes it in order and said to the serpent, said to the woman. Verse 16, “To the woman He said, ‘I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. And for Adam, because you listened to the voice of your wife,” and on for the judgment on Adam. We're focusing on the wife right here now. “Your desire will be for your husband, he shall rule over you.’ ” So the order is not changed but there is conflict in the order now that wasn't there. The beautiful harmony and oneness has been broken and now the man will still rule but it will be unpleasant. “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.”

I've just written these verses down I want us to do in order. So go to 1 Corinthians 11, I just took them as we have them in our Bible, and you'll see some of this will go back to what we just read in Genesis, all of it is based on that. 1 Corinthians 11 opens up, “Be imitators of me just as I also am of Christ.” Verse 3, “I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” There is order established. “Every man who has something on his head while praying or prophesying disgraces his head. But every woman who has her head uncovered… disgraces her head.” Why? Verse 7, “For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake.”

That all takes us back to Genesis 2. Sin has aggravated the problem but it has not changed the relationship. That is crucial. So even in worshiping God, when you are doing the same thing—praying, prophesying—a woman would have to have her head covered because that is normally what God would use a man for and the leadership he is exercising in praying and prophesying. We don't pray and prophesy, so we don't have the same restrictions on head coverings since they are particularly related to that. Because the Old Testament particularly are male prophets. The leading in prayer, we don't have the women do that with the present, if we did they should have their head covered. It's just what the Scripture says. And the reason goes back to the creation, not the fall but the creation. The man is the image and glory of God, the woman is the glory of the man because she was created out of the man. Something already had been made by God and then He took part of what He had made and made the woman. That's the argument. He took the side part out of the man and then fashioned it into a woman.

So we don't have two exact, distinct, separate beings in that sense because the woman was taken from the man and was created for the man's sake, and if we had read all of Genesis 2 we would have read there that it is not good for the man to be alone. Well, Paul makes an exception we'll talk about, but basically God intends marriage to take place. “Man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake” because God said it is not good for the man to be alone, so I'll make a helper for the man. “However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of the man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman.” And so on. So there is an equality but there is a distinction.

We get those who play with the Scripture, and this is their . . . I don't know whether we are dealing with believers, and unbelievers for sure on some of these, but they just decide I'm going to take this portion of Scripture but I'm not going to accept this portion of Scripture. There is an equality there. There are only two human beings on the face of the earth, the male and the female, but there is order established from the creation that one of those human beings is over the other. Then we're going to have the fall and so on. And that includes the length of hair and so on, as he goes on in 1 Corinthians 11. You have to deal with that, I'm not going to get into that. But if the woman's hair looks like the man's or the man's looks like the woman's, it needs to be fixed. We'll leave it there.

Let's get on to Colossians 3:18, this will be brief because what he says to the women in an expanded way and what he says to the male and the female, the husband and the wife in Ephesians is longer than these other portions. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” This is what is fitting. I've had women sit in my office… I won't do what he says. Period. Well, what are you here for? You've already made up your mind you're not going to do what the Bible says you have to do and you've got your reasons for it. We all have. Well, because of this, because of that. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” That's what is fitting in the Lord, that you be subject to your husband. I didn't write it, don't get upset with me. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

Come over to 1 Timothy 2. What we are finding is a consistency in what we have in the Scripture regarding the role that a woman is to have and to fulfill. In 1 Timothy 2 we pick up with the women in verse 9. He's talking about the men but we're focusing on the role the woman would have. It is not just the wife but the women generally as the church functions because this order extends out. There are only two people on the whole face of the earth, Adam and then when God made the woman out of the side part of Adam you have two people. But one was made out of the other. “I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” That doesn't mean a woman doesn't have clothes but that's not to be the focal point of her life. That's where the world is. You turn on the news, you look at it on your computer and it is always about what this woman is wearing, what she has done. But for the godly woman, she may have nice clothes, she may have clothes that are shabbier. That's not the point. The point is verse 10, her good works as is proper for a woman making claim to godliness. You claim to be a believer, you claim that I've trusted Christ, I belong to God. Then you act accordingly. “A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness,” verse 11. “I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man but to remain quiet.” We have denominations that have started because women have started them, but that doesn't make it right. Well, it wouldn't have prospered if God hadn't . . . Said who? Again, the Word of God is either authoritative or not and we want to be careful when we are dealing with people who take the Word of God and just massage it, so it says that but it doesn't really mean that.

“I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was created first, and then Eve.” See now we are back to Genesis 2, that's before the fall. The order established of the male and female has to do with the order of creation and it's beyond just the husband and wife. It's the order in general that will be reflected out, then it's reflected in the kings of Israel and there is one lady but you don't want to imitate her. So it's the order that is established. “It was Adam who was created first, and then Eve.” Verse 14, and then we have the deception that came in Genesis 3, “It was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.” So when we got out of that order, and the woman didn't tell the serpent, I must talk to my husband and find out… No, she just went ahead and did it. Then her husband submitted to her idea, now we have the mess. “It was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.” I didn't write this.

Now there are people who don't put a great deal of stock, they claim to be expositing and explaining Scripture but they really are making Scripture fit the idea of the day. “Women will be preserved,” will be saved, “through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.” Not just having children guarantees, but having children and continuing in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint, ‘discretion’ as you have it in your margin. That's the woman's role, that's the woman's realm. Now there will be exceptions to that as there will be to men that will not be married. But for the married woman that's their general . . . and for the women generally this is the pattern. And it carries over to the church because we don't have women doing teaching because “I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man.” So we have male teachers and it goes Adam was created first, then Eve. That's before the fall. Well, the fall has changed everything. Well, it has made things worse, it has made the man's rule heavier and less biblical often, it has made the woman's point of submission worse, but all of that is not here. Who was created first? Well, we read Genesis 2, the man was created first, then God decided it was not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper and I made the woman out of the man. So that's clear.

Titus 2, and we're going to pick up with the women, we'll be on the men next time. “Older women,” verse 3, “likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,” I just read that they weren't teaching. Well, we want to do the context. They do teach other women, they can teach children and that's consistent with Proverbs and other passages. “So that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the Word of God will not be dishonored.” Then he'll go on to talk to the young men. This is for the women, basically. Again, primarily we're talking about married women but here in the church the older men are to be temperate, the older women are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, not enslaved to wine, teaching what is good and it goes on to tell what they are teaching—they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home. We have everything now geared… and the church becomes more and more conformed to the world and pretty soon the church just doesn't really have a place. Many of the men that some of you like to read, I like to read Spurgeon, Alexander McClaren, all from the 1800s, but now it has been a number of years that I read in England less than 5% of the people attended any church and they estimated in the coming years it would be down to the low 2% of any church. But we're getting there. I used to tell you move over, get more people in. Some people moved on to other Bible-believing churches and that's fine; but some people have just sort of fallen out. What happens? Then pretty soon I'm not learning the Word of God the way I should learn it and pretty soon husband and wife, children, everything begins to disintegrate.

One more passage, 1 Peter 3, and we cover some of the same things. We're going to cover general submission and slaves at the end of 1 Peter 2, as Paul will get to in Ephesians 6, but right now 1 Peter 3. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.” In the same way as what? 1 Peter 2:13, “Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution.” 1 Peter 2:16, “Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as slaves of God… Servants, be submissive to your masters.” Then instructions there and the example is Christ. So “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands,” as slaves are submissive, as we are to be following the example, “so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of the wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

The role here is not determined: my husband is not a believer so these passages don't apply to me. They apply to you very directly. I don't think my husband is a believer. Well, then by your chaste and respectful behavior you may impact him. Well, he wants me to sin. I've only been here for 50+ years and I've had a lot of married couples, really the wife's issue doesn't come down to usually sin. Where it is clearly sin the wife shouldn't do it, that's clear. The book of Acts chapter 5 the apostles are clear, I cannot disobey God. But most of the time its well, I don't think it ought to be… I don't, I don't, I don't. It doesn't matter what you do or don't, it matters what God says. So maybe your husband is an unbeliever, that will make your life and your obedience to him more difficult, but “your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart.” Again, it doesn't mean you don't wear dresses or you can’t wear jewelry, but you want to be careful, that's not what your adornment is about. What I am about, and this is where the wife must keep her focus, especially when she has an unbelieving husband, I must keep it on being a godly person, but I must be careful to be obedient to him.

I can do this, both my parents are home with the Lord now. My mother was saved before my father and they were saved when I was a young person but I do remember certain things. Some of them… my dad said, you look like walking death. And my mother said, I shouldn't wear lipstick, I shouldn't wear makeup, I should wear my hair in a bun, I should do all this because that's what the church tells me. Well, it wasn't what the Scripture said. Now later when my dad was saved and then my mother, they adjusted. Got into a church where the Word was taught, they could adjust. And my mother could say, I can respect your father and I respect the fact that he would like me to dress like it. My father could respect. But that takes time. So we want to be careful. “The hidden person of the heart,” verse 4, “with the imperishable quality,” here we go, “of a gentle and quiet spirit.” It's not making an issue all the time if you have an unbelieving husband, you are gentle, your quiet spirit. There are certain things you can't do, certain things you must do, because the Scripture is clear on that. The book of Acts talks about that, chapter 5 in particular. But generally, if you want me to do that, yes, I'll do that. It's the gentle and quiet spirit, the hidden person of the heart. “For in this way,” verse 5, “in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham.”

I want you to pick up something here because when we get back to Ephesians some make a point, the wife is told to be submissive to her husband, she is not told to obey him like the children and the slaves are. But they are really synonymous expressions. If you read certain commentators, they'll make note of that. Being submissive and obeying go together and they are the two words that we have dealt with in Ephesians 5. The wives are to be submissive to their husbands, children are to obey their parents, slaves are to obey their masters. But here she is “being submissive to her own husband just as Sarah obeyed Abraham.” How did she show she was submissive? She did what he wanted. Now again, that doesn't mean in sin. Well, he wants me to sin, I guess I'll go get drunk because he said you should get drunk. No, I can't get drunk. I'll go with you and I'll bring you home, I'll drive you home when you get drunk but I won't get drunk. We want to be careful here because this becomes an excuse for the wife to say, I disagree. Well, you are put in the submissive position, just as the slave is, just as the children are.

You obey just as “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Whoa, that's going pretty far, calling him lord. Genesis 18:12, you can turn there as you have time, we don't need to go back there now. But she obeyed him, calling him lord. She respected him. That's the example, “and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” And then there will be instruction to the husband, we'll get to that. Right now we're focusing on the wife. It simplifies the wife's life. It's not my decision, my husband makes that decision for me. Now there are certain things I can't do, that's a given. But I want to be very, very careful that the Scripture specifically says I can't do that. I can't be immoral. Period. I'm sorry, I love to obey you but I cannot be immoral, I cannot be drunk. If you insist I have a glass of wine with my meal, I'll have a glass, I'll sip it through the meal but I cannot be drunk. There are certain things the Bible says are sin and can't do. But by and large in marriage for the 50-some years I've been here, that's not where the disagreements come. The disagreements come because the wife thinks this and the husband thinks that. Well, I want to be careful.

Come back to Galatians and then we're going to Ephesians, Galatians 3:28, because this is where end up with people who don't like what Paul has written, don't like the rest of Scripture. They say “There is neither Jew nor Greek,” Galatians 3:28, “there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female. You are all one in Christ. “And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's descendants, heirs according to promise.” Therefore, wives don't have to obey their husbands. No, that's not what he is talking about. There is an equality there, a wife is not to be treated like an animal, we'll get to that with the husband. And the husband has responsibility. But regardless of what kind of husband you have, here is your responsibility as a woman and you need to be very, very careful not to take a verse of Scripture and say there is neither slave nor free, neither male nor female, you are all one in Christ. Therefore, if he is a slave he doesn't have to any longer be a slave. He can do as he pleases. No. But somehow with the male/female we say that supersedes these other passages so we'll have to find a way to make what Paul is saying in these other passages fit that. No, we allow that to say what it says, we are all one in Christ, there is a oneness, a uniqueness. You hope you have a husband who expresses that, but your role doesn't change as a wife.

So come back to Ephesians 5. “Wives,” and you pick up the participle of verse 21, “being subject to one another in the fear of Christ, wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord.” That's where the wife has to be careful. And we've had any number of husbands and wives who have left this church and the wife has been honest. My wife is not happy, the husband says that my wife is not happy. There was an occasion where the wife told me, I'm not happy, I won't come and hear you, but I'll go to another church. Well, they have to work that out. You are “subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” That doesn't mean a wife can't say, I disagree here. She may talk to her husband about it, but the ultimate decision is the husband's. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church.” That goes back to Ephesians 1:22, “He put all things in subjection under His feet,” Christ's, “and gave Him as head over all things to the church which is His body, the fullness.” Christ is sovereign. The wife recognizes and acknowledges and submits to the sovereignty of Christ when she submits to the husband. That the Lord has given her. That's just the way it is. She submits to her husband as to the Lord.

No, I'm submissive to the Lord but I will not do what he tells me. Well, what does he tell you? Then it gets nebulous. Lord, I'm submitting to him and I'm allowing you to work it out. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” Now the husband isn't the savior of the wife's body but the point is, the connection here is the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church and He is the one. Now the husband is there, to be the protector, the provider for the family. “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands” in most things. Not what your Bible says. It's not what the Greek text of this says either. It says “in everything,” ‘en panti’, everything, all things. But it simplifies a life. Unless there is a clear definite, we use immorality but that has become pretty broad anymore, but an example. There are certain things a wife cannot do, she doesn't want to get drunk with wine, she doesn't want to be an immoral person. But by and large those aren't what the husband is requiring. There is provision for even divorce in certain cases, but that's not what we've dealt with as a church, not what I've dealt with in the 50-some years I've been the pastor here. It ends up, I don't agree with him. Well, what about the Scripture that says… I think this is an exception. We want to be careful. Ephesians 5:24 says, “as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything.” Now what do I have the right not to obey Christ in? Well, nothing. He is the head of the church. Period. Then the husband is the head of the wife in everything.

Now we go back to 1 Peter 3, there may be an unbelieving husband and that's going to be difficult, but a number of you have dealt with that and some of you are still dealing with that. But the pattern is there. It's nice the Lord cleans it up because I don't have to decide, is my husband doing the right thing, is he…? Now in certain things you may talk about it and that will be nice and you may have your input, but you do it with the attitude it's your decision and I submit to that. That's where the wife is. So in a sense her position is easy, now verse 25 will start with the husbands.

Let's pray together. Thank you, Lord, for the riches of Your Word. It is a practical word, it is biblical, it is theological, it is true. Lord, the application of that and the implementation of that into our lives individually results from our being willing to be filled with the Spirit. It's an ongoing thing, it's a growing thing, it's growing for wives, growing for women and we'll see it is growing for men and husbands. Lord, we want to be biblical and handle our wives in a way that is conformed to what You have revealed for us because that is best and that is what You have planned. We commit ourselves to You in Christ's name, amen.