God’s Intention for Husbands and Wives

Transcript

GRM 850
5/11/2003
God’s Intention for Husbands & Wives
Selected Verses
Gil Rugh

I’m not going to speak about Mother’s Day directly today, but I want to speak to a matter that is perhaps foundational to the role of mothers. I want to speak about matters relating to the husband and wife. Some of you who are regulars at Indian Hills, and we’ve been talking about matters relating to what the Lord has done in our lives and how we are to live in light of His work. A foundational area is the area of the home and the family, the husband/wife relationship being basic to that. Some people believe that the Bible and theology are not practical. I’ve had people from time to time say we’d like to do some more practical studies. I believe as we go through the Word of God, we find that the theology, the doctrine, the teaching of the Word of God is inseparably intertwined to what we call the practical matters, the application of God’s truth. How are we to live in light of what God has done for us in Christ. The Bible does address specific areas. But to try to separate these out in a clear, distinct way can bring confusion. You have to have the foundation established or you cannot build a building that is going to stand, a building that will be in proper order. I want to look at some of these foundational matters and then tie them together with you, particularly as they relate to the home, particularly as they relate to the husband and the wife in the plan of God.

We’re going to start in the book of Genesis chapter 1. You can’t get any more foundational than that. As you are aware the first chapter of Genesis gives a summary of God’s work of creation through six days, telling us in a summary fashion of what God created on each day. Then on the 6th day in verse 26 of Genesis 1, “Then God said let us make man in our image according to our likeness. Let them rule over the fish of the sea, the birds” and so on. We’re going to create man in our image and we’re going to give him sovereign authority over the rest of creation. Verse 27, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him, male and female He created them.” When we talk about God created man we’re talking about mankind. Man is comprised of male and female. God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. God created man in His own image. Note in verse 27 “He said be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” God established the family as part of His creation work, that the man and the woman would be joined as a husband and a wife, and they would have children. That’s what’s in view when He tells them be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, rule over it. So here at the very beginning, even in the summary in chapter 1, we see that God intended with His original creation to establish a family and a family relationship. Out of that original family other families would develop, and over time the earth would be filled.

When you come to chapter 2 you don’t have a separate account of creation. What God does is take us back, now, and expand on His work of creating man as male and female. In chapter 1 He gave an overview of all six days of creation and a summary of all that was created. What He does in chapter 2 is zero in on what is the epitome, the high point, the center of His creation. All the rest of creation revolves around the creation of man. In chapter 2 we are told about how God created man as male and female. Verse 7 of chapter 2 we’re told “the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground.” Now this is man as male, this is the man, Adam. “God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living being.” Now you have one human being, man. What He has done is break it down. In chapter 1 verse 27 you had a summary, He created man, both male and female. Now in chapter 2 we find out something of how God did it. He took dust and formed a man as male and breathed into him life. Then He places him in the garden that He created. Then in verse 18 “the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now man wasn’t alone, God was with him. God would come and walk in the evening in the garden, remember. But God intended that man have a companion that was suitable to him, fitted to him, like him.

God had created the animals, He brought them before Adam to name them. Then we’re told at the end of verse 20, “but for Adam there was not a helper suitable for him.” Well God knew that He’s the creator. He didn’t create any of the animals to be a helper suitable for Adam. Now Adam knew in all the animal creation there was nothing like him and nothing fitted to him. In verse 21, “God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and he slept.” He took one of his ribs, closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which he had taken from the man and brought her to the man. The man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Remember that verse, verse 24. We’ll come back to it when we get to the New Testament. This is foundational to what takes place in the rest of the Bible, what God has said about His intention in creating man and woman. They were created for one another, the woman created to be the companion of the man and fitted and suitable for him. You’ll note they really are one flesh; the woman was created from a part of the man. You find in verse 24 that when they’re joined as husband and wife, they become one flesh. What God intends. He created the woman from a part of the man and now in the marriage relationship that oneness is joined. It’s expressed in sexual relationships, but it is a relationship of oneness. Paul wrote to the Corinthians and told them that is one of the disastrously sinful things about immorality. You join yourself in a relationship of oneness with a whore, as Paul put it. You don’t understand what God said in Genesis 2? Very practical application, very foundational doctrine. If you don’t understand what God says about His intention, then you are left to wonder on your own.

Now everything is perfect, everything is beautiful, there is no sin. The relationship of Adam and Eve is exactly as God created it to be. In chapter 3 you have sin entering the picture. There is rebellion against God and the relationship of the man and the woman, the husband and the wife, will be dramatically affected. Satan used the serpent to deceive Eve; Eve encouraged her husband to eat the fruit. When God came and called them to account the man said, the woman you created made me do it. The woman said it’s not my fault, it’s the serpent. You know in all of that there is an element of truth. God doesn’t address the fact, oh no don’t blame it on the serpent, oh no don’t blame it on your wife. He listens and then He proceeds to mete out appropriate punishment for each. Verse 14 of chapter 3, God said to the serpent, and here’s the punishment for the serpent. Did that excuse the woman? No. Verse 16, to the woman He said. What about the man? He’s home free, the woman made him do it. No. To Adam He said. Each one comes under the penalty of their sin. For the man and the woman things will never be the same. God’s intention is still that they be joined as husband and wife, but now there will be pain and difficulty, unpleasantness in the picture. Ultimately death will overtake them. Before we leave Genesis, I want you to back up to chapter 2 again and look at verse 24 because this verse is going to come up. “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Important to note that the basic relationship established among human beings is the marriage relationship. It supersedes everything else. It is the only relationship created by God to be a relationship of oneness. It supercedes all other relationships. So, when we read a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, that by implication also means the wife will be leaving her parents to be joined to her husband of course. The marriage relationship supersedes even the parental relationship. The relationship between the husband and wife supersedes the relationship they had with their parents, the relationship they have with their children. This is an ongoing relationship. The relationship with the parents will change. They will always be our parents, but the responsibility now is superceded. Parents need to remember that with their children, children need to remember that regarding parents and others. There is one dominant relationship, that is the relationship between the husband and wife. That supercedes everything else, that is the plan of God from creation. That was His plan before sin entered the picture. Now sin comes in and brings difficulty and pain and struggle in that basic relationship, but the basic relationship is established by God at creation, and nothing is changed down to today. Sin has entered the picture, and it has brought ugliness.

Come to the New Testament to the book of Romans chapter 1. Here Paul gives an unfolding of something of the impact and effects of sin as man has rejected God, the revelation God has given of Himself. The result is man is under the wrath of God. Verse 21 of Romans 1 says “even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks. They became empty in their speculation; their foolish heart was darkened.” They had rejected God; they are unwilling to submit to the revelation He has given of Himself. Now they live in emptiness, the darkness of their mind and their soul. You’ll note there are practical results of that in everyday living. God gave them over in the lust of their hearts to impurity because they exchanged the truth of God for a lie. Now what God created to be pure, remember in the book of Hebrews we are told that in marriage sex is honorable, desirable, but God will punish adulterers and fornicators. You see His purpose and plans have not changed, but since sin has come into the picture now, we have impurity. People want to live together but they don’t want to get married, they want to be involved in the pleasures of sex, but they don’t want to be joined in the relationship of marriage. That’s because men have rejected God. Verse 26, God gave them over to degrading passions, and that impacts men and women alike. Because of their rejection of God, they want to pursue their own lusts and satisfy them in their own ways. Verse 28, “God gave them over to a depraved mind, those who did not see fit to acknowledge Him.” In all kinds of sin, not just sexual sins, but sexual sins become very prevalent. They spread and we see it in our own country--more and more becomes acceptable to live together. Now even in forms you fill out they want to know if you’re married, living together, single. Just part of life. But we ought never to become callous to it and understand it is part of sin, it’s part of living a life that has rejected the living God and being lived under His judgment, under His condemnation. All kinds of other sins involved here at the end of chapter 1. Things which are not proper, not fitting, not acceptable to God. Verse 29, “unrighteousness, wickedness,” you’ll note in there. Right after murder there is strife. A lot of marriages are filled with strife. You see it all mixed up here, right after murder God mentions strife and deceit. Down at the end of verse 30 there is “disobedience to parents.” In verse 31 they are “without understanding, they are untrustworthy, they are unloving.” This word for love is only used in the negative a couple of times I believe, once or twice in the New Testament. Never used without the negative attached to it, unloving. They don’t even have the natural, normal affections as God created them and established it to be. Do you think marriage has not been affected by sin? There is strife and deceit, lack of love that now has come in and God brings us together in a relationship of oneness and we feel like we’re being torn apart. Marriages are unraveling. We end up with as many or more divorces than we have marriages. The sad thing is even in the evangelical world there is not much difference between the percentage of marriages that break up and end in divorce than there is in the world that doesn’t claim to be believers. Something is wrong.

There is a provision made by God to deal with the issue of sin. Come over to the book of Ephesians, the book of Ephesians. In these opening chapters of Ephesians Paul explains how God has planned to bring salvation and redemption, cleansing from sin, a restoration, if you will, to the life that He intended when He created man as male and female. Note what He says in verse 1 of chapter 2 of Ephesians, “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins.” That means you were separated from God, cut off from Him, you had no relationship with Him. “You were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you formerly walked.” You ought to underline that you formerly walked.” This emphasis on walk is going to become key. You “walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that continues to work in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all,” do you have all underlined? We too “all formerly lived.” There are no exceptions here. “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” We say oh I never lived like that; I never practiced those kinds of sins. You know the Apostle Paul who wrote this was a son of Pharisees, was himself a Pharisee of the Pharisees. They prayed; I thank you Lord that I am not a sinner like other men. Here this Pharisee of the Pharisees whose eyes have now been opened by the grace of God says, “among them we too all formerly lived in the lust of our flesh indulging the desires of the flesh and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.” That’s where we were by birth as well as by practice. Through the salvation that God brings in Christ we become by nature children of God, we become partakers of the divine nature.

So, you have the contrast, but God being rich in mercy because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions made us alive together with Christ. By grace you have been saved. Verse 8, “For by grace you’ve been saved through faith and not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, not as a result of works that no one should boast. For we are His workmanship.” You see what happens. God created us for a relationship with Himself, created us as male and female then to be joined together in a relationship as husband and wife with one another. That relationship as husband and wife would reflect the relationship, we have with the living God. Sin enters the picture, and everything is changed. Here we are thousands of years later, there still are marriages that are practiced around the world, but it becomes a matter of jokes how it is a battleground, and it’s a conflict area and unpleasant. Ending one marriage and getting into another and ending that and getting into another becomes commonplace and acceptable. Reading some interviews with teenagers, and one lovely attractive teenage girl that was giving a response to asking about do you plan to be married. She said I couldn’t imagine making a lifetime commitment to just one person. What a sad situation. Forfeit the joy and blessing that the God who created you intends and can only be found in His will. There is redemption, there is forgiveness. God intends us to live, now, as redeemed people. You come to understand, God I am a sinner, I am dead in my trespasses and sins, I live as the world lives, I live under the control of the god of this world, the prince of the power of the air, Satan himself. I live indulging the lust of the flesh and of the mind. But God I realize that your Son died for me, He is the only savior, He is my only hope. I turn from my sin, and I place my faith in Him, and by God’s grace I am saved.

Verse 10 of chapter 2 says “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand,” note this, so “that we should walk in them.” Here’s how we should live. Is salvation in Jesus Christ just that fire escape from hell? No. It cleanses me from sin, it rescues me from hell. But it enables me now to live a life that is pleasing to God in every way. You ought to underline in verse 2, you “formerly walked.” Then at the end of verse 10, so “that we would walk in them.” There’s a change. The way I once lived is not the way that I am now to live.

Then he goes on to remind them of what they were and how God has changed them. Look over to chapter 4, therefore. Now with chapter 4 having talked about the unique, marvelous work of Christ in bringing redemption to our lives and joining us into the body of Christ, making one, Jew and Gentile alike, he’s going to stress even more strongly, beginning with chapter 4, how this applies to our lives. I mean this is not just doctrine, this is life. “Therefore, I the prisoner of the Lord, (Paul is a prisoner in Rome when he writes this), I implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” Underline “that walk in a manner worthy.” You have been called by the living God to become His loved child. Walk accordingly. “With humility and gentleness, patience, tolerance in love, preserving the unity of the Spirit.” The Spirit has produced a unity among believers, He brings relationships back to what they ought to be as He has created new relationships in the church for us. He talks about what Christ has done.
Come down to verse 17 of chapter 4, so “This I say and affirm together with the Lord that you walk no longer as the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them. Because of the hardness of their heart, they are callous, they’ve given themselves over to sensuality, to practice impurity.” Should there not be a difference in the walk of the believer? We are now to walk in a manner worthy of the God who has called us. We are not to walk as the unbelievers who live in the realm of spiritual and moral darkness, who live their lives calloused and hardened toward God and His will, stubborn and proud.
Down at the end of chapter 4 we are warned in verse 30, “do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander be put away with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other.” Oh, I’ve forgiven her more than she’s forgiven me, well I’ve forgiven him a lot more than he’s forgiven me. Well, that’s not the standard. Just as God in Christ has forgiven you. “Therefore, be imitators of God as His well-loved children, and walk in love.” There’s our word walk again. How do we live? We live as the children of God; we live as a redeemed people. We don’t walk or live as we formerly lived, as the world lives. We live in a manner worthy of the calling that we have in God. We live according to what He has ordained for us, good works that we should walk in them. Walk in love just as Christ loved you and gave Himself up for us. The standard of the love of Christ is controlling our walk. It is contrary to the world. The word love used here, and it’s going to be used down through the chapter, is that word that denotes that self-sacrificing love. It is not a selfish love, it’s not a love of response. It’s that love of the will, it’s doing something for someone else because they have a need. It doesn’t do it because they are deserving, because Christ loved you and you are a wretched sinner. He gave Himself up for us and we were His enemies. It’s a love that does not exclude feeling but is not determined by feeling. We are to walk in love. Look down at the end of verse 8, “we are to walk as children of light.” Now I want you to note something here. He says in verse 3 “immorality and impurity and greed shouldn’t even be named among us.” I mean that should be unheard of sin. I want you to know something with certainty. Verse 5, “know this with certainty that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater has an inheritance in the kingdom of God.” Understand that. I didn’t say it, it’s God’s Word. Jesus said heaven and earth will pass away, my Word will not pass away. Jesus closes out the revelation from God at the end of the book of Revelation and He says anyone who adds to this book or takes away from it is going to be consigned to hell. Now note what he says, “know this with certainty that no immoral or impure person or covetous man who is an idolater has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words; because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.” We have people walking around, we have young people that attend church (not just young people, older people), think they’re free. I’ve trusted Christ, I got baptized and you know I’m enjoying the fruits of sin. Let no one deceive you. People are claiming to be believers and live immoral lives, sinful lives. The Word of God says they are not going to be in the kingdom. Those not going to the kingdom are going to hell. These are serious matters. The truth that God has brought to our lives is transforming. We say that’s discouraging. No, it isn’t, it’s encouraging. God intends us to live as His children. Come down to verse 15, “Therefore, be careful how you walk.” There it is again. Be careful how you walk. How many times does God have to say it for us to pay attention? Verse 18, “And don’t get drunk with wine, that is dissipation. Be filled with the Spirit.” We are not to be foolish in verse 17, we are to understand what the will of the Lord is. We’re not to be the carousers, we don’t live under the influence of drink. We are filled with the Spirit. What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit? It means to live under His control. What are some of the evidences of that? There are a series of participles here, participles are “ing” words--speaking (verse 19), “singing, making melody, giving thanks” (verse 20). In verse 21, being subject.” My English version just has be subject, but it’s another participle. So, in English we’d make it an “ing” word, being subject. One of the marked evidences that you are living no longer as the world lives, but you are being filled with the Spirit according to His command, living under His control, is you are being subject to one another in the fear of the Lord. Do you want to know what being subject to one another is? You’ll note verse 21 is not the end of the letter. Some people read this like oh yeah, verse 21, that means we are submissive to one another, husbands to wives, wives to husbands, parents to children, children to parents. Read the next verse, always a good idea to read the following verse. It answers a lot of questions. You know, like our children when they’re young. They’re reading and they stop, and they ask questions. You say what? Just keep reading, there’s the answer. And lo and behold, “be subject to one another in the fear of the Lord, wives to your own husbands.” What he’s going to do here now is talk about the order of things. I want you to note how practical this is. As a result of the finished work on the cross and your being made a new creature in Christ through faith in Him by the grace, you now enter into a path of life that has been ordained by God that we should walk in good works. That is a life that is lived under the control of the Spirit of God. Now here are some areas, get right into your home. The old writers all the way back through Martin Luther referred to this as household passages. Going to talk about the relationship between husband and wife, relationship of parents and children, relationship of slaves to the masters in the house. There is an order established, and I want you to keep in mind, this is an evidence of your walking in the light, your living under the control of the Spirit. Oh no a Mother’s Day sermon on submit to your husbands. Well, I knew I’d work it in. What he does in each of these cases, those who are to be submissive. The wives are mentioned first, the children who are to be obedient to their parents are mentioned first, the slaves who are obedient to the masters are mentioned first. But then he follows that by saying, now husbands you are to do this, now parents you are to do this with your children, now masters you are to do this with your slaves. We’re just going to focus on the husband and wife for the rest of our time. In my previous hour where I’m with the workers in children’s church they asked me to please curtail some of my fullness for their benefit, because they have little sinners they are watching. So, we will summarize this.
Verse 22, we are being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Who, what do you mean? I mean wives to your own husbands as to the Lord. Wives are commanded to be subject to their own husbands. This is an evidence they are living under the control of the Spirit of God. All this comes out of the basic command of be filled with the Spirit. One of the evidences you are under the control of the Spirit is you’re living in subjection to one another. One of the areas of subjection is wives to their own husbands as to the Lord. When a wife is being subject to her husband, she is being subject to the Lord, because that is God’s will for her. She doesn’t have to pray Lord would you want me to be subject to this man? He’s already said. Now there may be exceptions. A husband tells his wife to go upstairs and murder one of the children. Obviously, the Word of God clearly forbids that. A husband tells his wife she must blaspheme the name of Christ. I cannot do that. These kinds of areas it is clearly set. But the general pattern is clearly established. “Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church.” You’ll note the comparisons in all of this. Remember that we are to forgive as Christ forgave, to love as Christ loved. Now here the relationship, just like the church is subject to Christ. He is the savior of the body, so as the church is subject to Christ, verse 24, wives ought to be to their husbands in almost everything. No, in everything. I want you to note it’s going to come true of the husbands when we address them in a moment. There are no qualifications here. Wives be submissive to your husbands if he is loving, wives be submissive to your husbands if he treats you the way you think he should, wives be submissive to your husbands if he pays proper attention, if he does, if he does……….make your list. These are unqualified. The church is subject to Christ in everything. Wives be subject to your husbands in everything. This included believing husbands and unbelieving husbands. I Peter 3 addresses unbelieving husbands clearly. There is no qualification put here. Aren’t you glad? No. Yes, it simplifies our lives. I don’t know, did he mean my husband? Let me tell you about him. Don’t bother, please. Well, there are some things I don’t think my husband is doing the right things. Get your dictionary out and look up everything. You know we complicate our lives, don’t we? The Word of God is not complicated, it’s not easy to always do. I’m not saying it’s easy to be submissive to a husband. I know God gives the strength. We’re not talking about something you could do. This is why I think marriage counseling as far as to improve marriages for unbelievers is an exercise in futility, unless it’s directed of course to bringing them to faith in Christ. Because they live in rebellion against God and a result of that is the conflict, the strife, the lack of love and everything else. I have to tell a person I can’t help you with your marriage. I’m surprised you’re doing as well as you’ve done and one of you hasn’t killed the other. Two wretched, self-centered, God-rejecting sinners living in the same house. I wouldn’t close my eyes with him or her walking around loose. God’s common grace that keeps it from getting worse than it is.
But you know we’re talking about people in verse 18 who have entered into the light by God’s grace and been forgiven, those who were dead and now are alive and now live under the control of the Spirit of God in that life is submissive. I think our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. It doesn’t say if you think you married the right man. He’s the husband you have, he’s the one in view. Wives be submissive to your own husbands. You’ll note your own husbands. Everybody else’s husband would be a delight to submit to. I’m the perfect husband for someone else. Marilyn’s problem is I’m her husband, she has to submit to me. Husbands, you’ll note he puts the wives first, but he talks more to the husband then. It’s not the amount of space or the order, because in I Peter 3, he’ll talk a lot to the wives and a little about the husband. It doesn’t matter, we’re talking about godly character.
Verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives. I think I do better than most husbands. That’s not the standard. “Just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her that He might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, no spot or wrinkle or any such thing. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Remarkable. I can’t be a redeemer the way Christ was for the church, but I am to be the provider and the protector for my wife as Christ was for the church and is. That’s the kind of love. You know the problem with this is. The husbands listen to verses 22-24, and the wives listen to verses 25 and following, and it ought to be just the opposite. You know it ought to be the wives saying amen to verses 22-24 and the husbands saying amen to verses 25 and following. Because it doesn’t say husbands love your wives if she’s loveable, because the church wasn’t loveable. “Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” You know we twist everything, even people in the church. First you have to learn to love yourself. The reason some husbands don’t love their wives like they should is they haven’t learned to love themselves. The Bible says there has never been any such person who didn’t like himself. Verse 29, “for no one, for no one ever hated his own flesh, himself.” Verses 28 & 29 go together. How do people get by getting up in a church and saying you know we’re going to have a class; we’re going to help you learn to love yourself so you can love people better. They ought to take him out and string him up in the parking lot. I mean where did you get that kind of nonsense? No one ever hated himself. We’re self-lovers. You know why marriages break up? I’ve been a pastor for long enough. I just don’t love him anymore, I don’t have feelings for her anymore, I don’t want to be around him anymore, he doesn’t do this, he doesn’t do that, I decided I have to move on with my life, I have to make a life for myself, I have to do something for me. You love yourself, don’t you? I’m not going to be inconvenienced for this turkey any longer. I’m not going to do this for her anymore, I’m out. I’m getting older, I realize my life is going by, I have to enjoy, and I have to………… We love ourself. No one ever hated himself. We’re not in this relationship saying Lord it doesn’t matter how much misery, how much pain, how much heartache, how much unpleasantness there is for me, all that really matters Lord is I honor you and demonstrate the beauty of your character. Lord, I don’t deserve, I haven’t earned freedom from pain, good health, a wonderful marriage, adorable kids, and on it goes. Lord, I’m a sinner redeemed by grace. The greatest pleasure of my life and the pleasure I focus on is I want to be pleasing to you and I want to live my life under your control. No, we do love ourselves, we battle with that, we think we’ve gone far enough. I’ve tried, you don’t know, you know how many years I’ve tried, I’ve worked on that? Well, what’s that got to do with it? We’re not talking about what you can do in your own strength. I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t put up with her another day, I can’t do this another day. I don’t doubt that you probably can’t. Are you telling me there is a limit to the power of God? We’re talking about what you do according to verse 18, when you are filled or controlled by the Spirit of God.
Now if He is my sufficiency, Paul wrote to the Philippians in another of his prison epistles. Remember these are prison epistles, he’s a prisoner in Rome when he writes and says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Well maybe most things, but I don’t know about this relationship. You see how we fail to live out the truth that we claim in Christ? I’m not saying there is no forgiveness for broken marriages, God is a God of grace. If God didn’t forgive all our sins including the worst of them, none of us would be saved. I’m talking about how we live now as redeemed people. I can’t undo my past; I can’t change what I did yesterday. I praise God for His grace, that He’s forgiven me as completely as a person could be forgiven. I’m talking about now how we live as God’s people. Verse 29, “no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church because we are members of His body.” He takes care of me; I belong to Him. Doesn’t mean I’m always loveable and I’m not always obedient, and I’m not always faithful and I do the same wretched things often and repeatedly. He in His grace sustains me and cares for me and provides for me. Now he throws in verse 31, “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” That’s Genesis 2:24. What’s the comparison? Well, this mystery is great, I’m speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you is also to love his own wife even as himself, and his wife must see that she respect or reverence her husband. The mystery is Christ in verse 32, and the church. Paul talked about that in chapters 2-3 of Ephesians, the mystery of the church that was revealed to him, particularly in chapter 3. But you understand, now, this is played out in our new lives in Christ. One of the evidences of the transforming, powerful work of God in salvation is I live as a new creature, my marriage is new. The world’s marriages may be falling apart, but I have a resource that the world does not have.
“Let each individual among you love his own wife as himself.” You take care of yourself, you provide for yourself, you look out for yourself. The proverbial men grow up, go to school, go out and make lots of money and decide they need a new wife, a younger version. What are they doing? Looking out for self. They call it a trophy wife. I’m not loving her as myself, I’m thinking myself wants something else. She is me; she is part of me, we have become one. “What God has joined together let no man put asunder.” As Christ is working in the church and we will be presented before His Father as holy and blameless and without spot, I think Lord I’m not there yet but He’s working. To love my wife as myself, to care for her, to provide for her. Nothing but nothing would I let in any way harm, be detrimental to her. “The wife must see that she respects her husband.” Most Greek commentators note the word respect is not a strong enough translation for the Greek word here. That word has a sense of reverence and awe about it. I would say maybe reverential respect. We say that’s going a little far, isn’t it? No farther than “husbands have to love their wives like Christ loved the church.” The wife lives with a reverential respect for her husband, the way she treats him, what she says about him, how she submits to him. Evidence I live my life under the control of the Spirit. How do you submit to that guy? Well, I submit to the Spirit of God, and you know what? When I do that, it comes naturally, so to speak, naturally supernaturally. Doesn’t come naturally for what I am by nature as a fallen sinner, but it becomes part of what is natural for me as one who has become a partaker of the divine nature, and now lives under the control of the Spirit of God. I say oh boy what if I’ve been divorced? All I can say is the Bible says God hates divorce. He warns many, He takes it as a direct affront if we discard our wives and so on. But you know what? That’s like every sin. God hates adultery and adulterers, He hates the immoral, He hates the liars, and on it goes. But you know what? I’m not what I used to be. Such were some of you, but you were justified, you were sanctified, you’re washed, you’re made clean. I’m not what I was. Someone was divorced; they’ve committed the unpardonable sin. Divorce is a sin, lying is a sin, strife is a sin. There is forgiveness.
Now those who have been forgiven and made new are to live new. So here we are. What are our marriages like? If they were unveiled and we were going to pull down the screen and we’re going to go around, and every marriage was going to get its turn and we’re going to lay it out. Here it is. This is exactly what this marriage is like. If we’re all sitting here all fine, I speak well of Marilyn and about her, I don’t snap at her in the foyer, I wait until we get in the car. You know what is my marriage really like? What are we really like? God knows, He sees us as we are. The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it? I the Lord search the heart; I try the mind. He’s the one who said He’ll judge the motives of men’s hearts. He sees us as we are. Is my marriage a reflection of Christ and His church, that beauty? Not because my wife and I are special people. I don’t hold that out as to why your marriage ought to be. This is what Marilyn, and I are like, this is what we do, this is what your marriage can be. I tell you what it can be in light of the Word of God. I can say yes there is blessing in that marriage, there is joy, there is satisfaction. Is there tension? The old person is not totally annihilated. It wants to assert its head, I like to think about me, put me first and forget I have to love my wife as Christ loved the church. She has to battle with being submissive and has a reverential respect for me because I’m not always the loving husband. It’s not conditioned here, I don’t have to decide I’ll love her more if she submits more, I’ll submit more if he loves me more. What I’m really telling God? God, I’ll obey you if you do this. If not, the deal is off. What arrogance. We ought to tremble to even allow such thoughts to come through our mind. It’s really not between my wife and me, this is between God and me and I’m telling Him I will not do what you require unless you do this.
Our children are in serious trouble, your 4-year-old stands up and says I won’t do it unless you double my allowance. Well, there will be things doubled, but it won’t be your allowance. We need to be careful we don’t approach God that way. I’m going to do it Lord but I’m praying you’re going to change her. I’m going to do it Lord, but you must change him. No. I’m going to do it Lord if nothing changes. Your grace will be sufficient for me, and I let God do what He does. Our marriages…What a blessing to be a Christian, what a double blessing to be a Christian married to a Christian. What a tragedy that there be anything but full joy and satisfaction as God intends it in the lives of two people joined in a relationship of oneness by Him and now living under His control.
Let’s pray together. Lord, you know us as we are. You know there are marriages in trouble represented here today. You know Lord some of those troubles haven’t even surfaced. Some of us in our minds and our thinking are in trouble. We’re not thinking of our wives as we should, we’re not thinking of our husbands as we should. Lord thank you for your grace that is sufficient. Lord, may we see this as the issue that it is, we’re talking about sin and there is no solution for sin but Jesus Christ. So, for those who are here who don’t know you, Lord I pray for your grace that they might see salvation in Christ, the one who loved them and died for them. For those of us who have, Lord what a travesty that our lives unravel it seems. We fail to walk as children of light. We find ourselves wanting to revert to the unprofitable deeds of darkness. Lord, we submit ourselves to you. For each husband, each wife here who knows you might acknowledge my issue, Lord, is with you. The problem is not my husband, the problem is not my wife, the problem is my unwillingness to submit to you. Lord, I pray that the marriages represented here might be a testimony of your grace. That husbands and wives might be experiencing the fullness of your blessing and joy that comes from that relationship of oneness that is unique, intended by you to be a relationship of blessing and a relationship that is a testimony of Christ and the church. We pray in our savior’s name. Amen.