Godly Care and Conduct Among Family

Transcript

GR 1276
6/13/2004
Godly Care and Conduct Among Family
1 Timothy 5:1-8
Gil Rugh


We’re going to go in our Bibles to I Timothy 5, continue our study of Paul’s letter to Timothy. Timothy is in Ephesus, he’s been left there by Paul and his major responsibility is to correct things in the church there, both in the doctrine and the practice, so that it is more of a reflection of the character of God at work through His people. In chapter 4 Paul spent a good deal of time exhorting Timothy regarding his personal life and ministry, his own personal conduct and character and the ministry of truth that he was to have.

As you move into chapter 5 there is a change in focus. Obviously, Timothy is still at the center, but attention now will be focused on the ministry that is to take place to various groups within the church. The church is comprised of people, we are God’s family, chapter 3 verse 15 says. And as people with various backgrounds, various situations, various stations in life, there are particular issues related to our lives personally. So there will be different groups of people addressed in chapter 5 and into chapter 6, both regarding their responsibility and the church’s responsibility at times to these people. For example in chapter 5 verses 1-2 he’s going to talk about the young and the old, and how Timothy is to minister to the older people and to the younger people in the church. Then from verse 3 down through verse 16 he has an extensive section on the ministry to widows, and what is our responsibility to widows. And it is striking how much attention is given to this subject. When you consider the issue of false doctrine and false teachers in the church, here he takes an extensive part of this letter to deal with the subject of widows.

Then in verses 17-25 he’s going to talk about the matter of elders. He talked about the qualifications of elders in chapter 3, and now he’ll deal with other matters related to elders, including dealing with sin in an elder’s life. Then in chapter 6, verses 12 he’ll talk about slaves and their responsibility. So you see he deals with various groups that would have been part of the church, the body of Christ. And the church in its early days had the same kinds of issues to deal with as we have today, in different people, with different backgrounds, different circumstances in life, the particular issues that have to be faced, even as God’s people.

We might think, well, these aren’t as important as the really serious matters like teaching the truth, correcting heresy, and so on. And yet Paul said it’s very important. In chapter 4 verse 11 Paul had instructed Timothy to prescribe and teach these things, and that word “prescribe,” remember, carried authority. It meant to command something, to charge people to do something. And that very same word is used down in chapter 5 verse 7 in the midst of the discussion on widows, “prescribe these things.” There is authority here. These things must be done, command them, charge them to do this. Down in chapter 6 at the end of verse 2, “Teach and preach these principles.” And that word translated “preach” is the same word translated “prescribe” in chapter 4 verse 11 and chapter 5 verse 7.

These are matters essential for godliness. In chapter 5 verse 4, you must learn and practice these things so that you might learn godliness. Godliness is the issue in treating widows properly. Down in verse 8, anyone who doesn’t practice these things “has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” And remember in chapter 4 verse 7 he said we are to discipline ourselves for godliness. If proper conduct in these areas is necessary for godliness, and obviously since these are areas the Spirit of God has directed Paul to select out, they were areas of particular problems and issues in the church at Ephesus. As the church has suffered deterioration in the area of its doctrine, it has also suffered deterioration in the area of its practice. It is not only failing to maintain a ministry of the pure Word of God, it is failing to live as the Word of God would require. And it’s just not possible to departmentalize our lives as believers. Oh, yes, I’m going to remain doctrinally pure and doctrinally faithful. But there are certain areas of my life I’m just not ready to do what God says yet. Can’t do that. You cannot compartmentalize sin in your life, it spreads and bad practice will end up corrupting your theology. Bad theology will end up corrupting your theology. They just go together. So what he says here about our behavior is of great importance if we are to be a godly people.

He starts out by general instructions in ministering to the old and to the young. And obviously, then, that would encompass people in the other groups that he’s going to talk about, because he’s going to talk about older widows and younger widows, and obviously among the slaves there would be older slaves and younger slaves. Among the elders there would be elders who were older and elders who were younger, relatively speaking. But he begins with how you are to minister to people. I Timothy 5:1 begins, “Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as the brothers, the older women as mothers, the younger women as sisters in all purity.” Now this forms a transition from addressing Timothy’s personal life and ministry to addressing the various groups that he has to deal with in the church. And this addresses both Timothy’s personal ministry and focuses attention now on the groups that will be developed in following. Timothy is going to have to deal with those who are older than he is, he’s going to have to deal with those who are younger than he is. This is the family of God, how do we deal with one another. Very simply, as family. Treat the older men and the older women as you would your parents—the older men as you would your father, the older women as you would your mother. The younger men as you would your brother, the younger women as you would your sister. We are the household of God, we are God’s family. So in dealing with one another we deal with one another as family. There is a love, there is a concern that is to be evident.

So he begins, “Do not sharply rebuke an older man.” He’s talking here about a man older in age. It’s the same word translated “elder” back in chapter 3. Often elders would have been drawn from the older men. Here he’s talking about older in age, not as an official office of elder, as the context makes clear, because he’s going to contrast it with younger men and then older women and younger women. The word translated “sharply rebuke,” that’s a very strong word. There are other words that could have been used that were softer, that denoted correcting something. But this is a strong word. The idea would be to beat on somebody with words. The word originally meant “to hit somebody with your fist, beat him up with your fist.”

Back up to chapter 3 verse 3. When he did give the qualifications for elders he said they “not to be addicted to wine or pugnacious,” and that’s a word related to the word that we have in chapter 5. Pugnacious, remember, an elder can’t be someone who strikes out with his fists, not a fighter in that sense. Well, the word then comes to mean not only somebody who beats someone up with their fist, but someone who beats on them with their words. So deals harshly, severely with them. Denotes a severe reprimand, ???????. We might talk about dressing someone down. Timothy should never deal with older men that way, he should never deal with them in a harsh kind of spirit. It’s a family, so we deal with them as a father. Don’t rebuke an older man, appeal to him as a father. That word “appeal,” it’s a word “to exhort, encourage, admonish.” Paracoleo, remember “called alongside,” the Holy Spirit is the paraclete. This is the verb, and you are to exhort him, you’re to encourage him, admonish him, appeal to him. So there is a respect. There are sometimes corrections that need to be made, instructions that need to be given, but as Timothy deals with the older men, he is to deal with it with a proper attitude, as you would your father. And you may have a believing father and there need to be some correction in the life, but you do it with respect, you do it with thoughtfulness, concern, care. You get the flavor of the idea. You just don’t dress him down, you wouldn’t do that to your father, so you don’t do that in the family of God to the older men. They are like your fathers, they are worthy of respect and honor. Now when they stumble, when they fail, then they must be corrected, but it is to be done with the right spirit. They are to be encouraged.

Turn over to Titus 2. You know Paul gave the same kind of advice to Titus and it’s important that we learn how to deal with one another in the family of God. We’ve been born into God’s family and we grow together. You know we sometimes tell our kids, you’re going to have to learn how to get along. You’re part of the family, there’s no choice, you’re going to have to learn how to get along. Well, basically what we’re talking about here, you’re going to have to learn how to live together as God’s people. And in Titus 2 Paul says, “But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine,” for teaching that will be good for your spiritual health. “Older men,” and here’s the kind of things that would be encouraged and admonished and appealed to regarding, they “are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.” What kind of things would he be encouraging and appealing to them? Well, those are the kinds of things. Some of them might have been caught up in some of the error at Ephesus. Well, that would have to be corrected, but always with the right spirit.

Back to I Timothy 5. “To the younger men as brothers.” All right, I can understand, the older men I have to treat with the respect and the thoughtfulness, and the care that I would my father. But I didn’t mind beating on my brothers. Well, even there, there is a proper family relationship. And so you appeal to the younger men as brothers. So you are not to be harsh with them, either. Here Timothy has a ministry to carry out, and in this ministry he is to be thoughtful in dealing with those younger than he is. There is not an air against, there is not an air of superiority, but there is a care and a concern in the family. So you appeal to the younger men as brothers. Again, it’s a family relationship. The older women, you would deal with as you would your mother. Again, thoughtfulness, concern, respect, that kind of attitude. To the younger women, you deal with them as sisters. So you see, that encompasses everyone. You’re either an older person or a younger person, you’re either older than I am, or younger than I am. I don’t think we have anybody else. Same age, well then I’d give you a little respect as a parent and a little respect as a brother or sister. It covers everybody. So our ministry is a ministry of encouraging, comforting, exhorting. We’re in the family together, and we are God’s family. Now he wouldn’t have to write this if there weren’t frustrations. Even in our physical families there is conflict, there are difficulties, there are times when we get on each other’s nerves, but we work it out because we’re family. And we need to remember that we respect one another, the older people are like parents, the younger people are like siblings, so to be dealt with in that way.

There is a qualification here, when you’re dealing with the young women. For Timothy as a young man, you deal with them “in all purity.” There is an added caution here, because Timothy’s ministry could be destroyed by not being careful in this area. In fact when Paul writes to Titus, he indicates that much of the ministry to the younger women will be carried out by the older women. Come back to Titus, you’ll see the similarity in instructions. We looked at the older men in Titus 2. Then he goes to the older women. “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips or enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good.” So here is what he would be dealing with, the older women as mothers, encouraging them in their godly character and then to be involved with the younger women. They are teaching what is good, particularly their focus is in verse 4 on the younger women, so that they may encourage the young women. This is a ministry to the young women, “to love their husbands and love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, subject to their own husbands so the Word of God will not be dishonored.” Then they are to encourage the young men to be sensible, use good judgment, proper self-discipline.

So these are the kind of things. We are a family and we are to carry out the ministry God has given. Timothy has a ministry in the church at Ephesus, it’s to be dealt with in the context of family. I have a ministry here as the pastor of the church, and I’m to deal with this as God’s family, exercise care. We are God’s family in our relationships with one another. You know it helps when we’re dealing with an older person if I stop and think, how would I handle this if this were my father, or this were my mother.
Would I say this, would I do it this way. This person that’s younger, what would I do if it were my brother or sister and how would I handle this. I mean we sometimes deal with it like we’re dealing with strangers that I’m not really concerned what they think about me. But it is important in the family, we have to live together. We don’t think it’s optional, if I don’t like it, I’ll leave the family. I mean that’s not the way we do with our family. That’s why this analogy of the family is so crucial, and God has put us together and we grow and mature in that context.

Having said that, he’s ready to move on to a specific group that will entail older and younger, and that is the widows. And that goes from chapter 5, verse 3 through verse 16. Serious issue. God is concerned about widows and orphans. The Old Testament has a strong emphasis. In Israel the widows and orphans had to be taken care of. In the Gospels Jesus rebuked the leaders in Israel because they failed in their responsibility of caring for their parents. And in the church one of the first groups we have developed is a group of godly men to take care of widows. In Acts 6, they are sometimes referred to as the first deacons, came out. Why? There was a disagreement over the care of widows, so they selected some of the most godly men in the congregation to see that this was handled properly. So by the time you get to Acts 6 there is already a ministry to widows going on in the church. It becomes further defined and strengthened in Acts 6. So this is an important matter in the ministry of the church.

Verse 3 gives a summary and really the rest will explain this. “Honor widows who are widows indeed.” The word “honor” means “to show respect, to show honor.” It doesn’t necessarily carry the idea of financial support, but in the context of what Paul is talking about, involved in showing proper honor and respect will be seeing that the widows are materially cared for, their material needs are met. He says, “Honor widows who are widows indeed.” Well, you think if you’re a widow, you’re a widow; if you’re not a widow, you’re not a widow. Are you a half-widow? Honor widows, but he has a specific, narrow definition here. They’re not just talking about widows, he’s talking about a certain kind of widows, so he refers to them as true widows, genuine widows. These are women who have not only lost their husbands, but also their children, so they have no children and no grandchildren to take care of them. They are truly destitute.
Now some of what he says here will apply to parents, generally, the way he words it. But the particular focus is widows, because that’s where the problem really was. It continues to be a greater problem today. In biblical times the women didn’t work generally outside the home. She was totally dependent on her husband. If something happened to her husband, her children had to take care of her. If she had not children, she was destitute. They didn’t have social programs like we have, social security or Medicare or Medicaid or retirement programs, or some of the things that have come in, life insurance policies.
A widow was left We’re looking at Ruth in our study of the Old Testament,
totally destitute, no one to care for her, no one to provide for her. Her husband and her children died. She is in a hopeless situation, a despairing situation.

Now when he talks about widows indeed, he’s going to qualify it. He means by that expression, they have no children or grandchildren to take care of them, and they are godly widows. When he talks about widows who are widows indeed, the genuine widows I want to focus on that may qualify for church support are in this category. There are other quasi qualifications agewise and that, that will come up in the next section. So he says honor widows who are widows indeed.

Now verse 4 explains what it means to be a widow indeed, but that denotes the contrast. You are not a widow indeed, if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family. The King James Version, some of you may use that, I’m using the New American Standard. The original King
James had children and nephews. And I remember back when, I don’t remember how long ago, but I do remember wondering, wonder why nephews are responsible. But in 1611 when the King James Version was done, nephews referred to grandchildren. So ???????? children and grandchildren. The Greek literally refers to those you have begotten and those who have been begotten out of those you begot. So you can see grandchildren ????????? If the widow does have children and grandchildren they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family. That word translated “piety,” another form of this word is translated “godliness” and is used 8 times in I Timothy.

Back up to chapter 3 verse 16, we’re not going to look at all 8, but I’ll just give you a sample. In chapter 3 verse 16, “By common confession, great is the mystery of godliness.” And that has to do with the truth concerning Jesus Christ. Down in chapter 4 verse 7, the end of the verse, we are told to “discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” Verse 8, “godliness is profitable for all things.” Down in chapter 6 verse 3 he’ll talk at the end of the verse about “the doctrine conforming to godliness.” So in chapter 5 verse 4, “If any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first,” that word means “this is the priority,” this is what they must learn to do first in learning godliness, taking care of their own family. They must first, this is the number 1 priority, “learn to practice godliness in regard to their own family.” And that means if you’re practicing godliness with your own family, you make some return to your parents. We can say the focus is on widows because that’s where the great need would be. It is often the case, if the wife dies the husband continues working, but if there would be a case where a father would have need, obviously you’d take care of him. So the principle applies to your parents, even though his focus here is on widows, because that’s where the great need would be.

You have to, as a number 1 priority, learn godliness, put godliness into practice in the context of your own family. And that would mean where there is a widow you make some return. So children take care of their parents. He says make some return, you’re paying back what you’ve received. They’ve given you life, they nurture and care for you as you are growing, and now in their older years they have need. First things you have to learn in practicing godliness is you take care of your parents. You can’t be a godly person and not do it. That’s the priority. He reinforces that at the end of verse 4. Why would you do this? For this is acceptable in the sight of God, this is pleasing before God. The fifth commandment in Exodus 20:12 is to “Honor your father and you mother.” You know what? Earlier Paul had written a letter to this church in Ephesus. You know what he told them in Ephesians 6:2? “Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with promise) that your days may be long on this earth.” Paul exhorted the church at Ephesus, and now he is giving further details on godliness.

So where would a widow find help? Well, if she has children or grandchildren, it is their responsibility to care for her. We’re talking about godliness. You may have a godly widow who has ungodly children, they’re not believers and they won’t fulfill their responsibility. Then I take it the church would be involved in that. But where there are children involved, that is their priority, and that should be the priority, even if they’re not believers. As Paul will refer to that, that is the normal practice, even among unbelievers.
Okay, that’s the first requirement, to be a widow indeed—you don’t have any children or grandchildren to take care of you. So you not only don’t have a husband, you don’t have children and grandchildren. Maybe they’ve died, this widow has had a hard life, like Naomi. Her husband died, her two sons died, she’s without means of support. So they are widows like that, perhaps they never had children or their children have preceded them in death.

Verse 5, she not only has to not have any family care for her, she must be a godly person. “Now she who is a widow indeed and has been left alone, has fixed her hope on God and continues in entreaties and prayers day and night.” She who is a widow indeed has been left alone. So he’s explaining what he means by a widow indeed—she’s been left alone. This widow has no one to turn to but God, she has fixed her hope on God. Perfect tense. Remember perfect tense—something happens in the past, it continues in the present. So it notes her settled hope is on God, and she turns to Him in prayer day and night. She has no one else to go to. You’ll note, her wretched circumstances, the loss of a husband, perhaps the loss of her children, hasn’t caused her to say, I’m turning from God. Hasn’t made her bitter, it’s driven her more to God, because that’s where her hope has been fixed. So the worse the circumstances get, the more she is driven to her God. So she is characterized as a woman of prayer. Night and day she turns to God. Where can she go? She has no children to turn to for help, so she turns to God. The provision God will make will be through the church, as we see later. That’s where Paul is moving toward. So first he has to clarify the kind of widows we’re talking about.

So, a godly widow. You’ll note, being a godly woman doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t have trial and tragedy. That’s true for anyone, here he’s talking about particular women who become widows. She’s a woman who has her hope fixed on God. She’s lost her husband, she’s lost her children. We don’t know when she fixed her hope on God, but having your hope fixed on God doesn’t necessarily mean you will not experience the tragedies of life. It does mean there is a God upon whom you can fix your hope, a God to whom you can turn to seek to provide for you. And that’s what this widow does.

She’s a contrast, verse 6, to the widow who gives herself to wanton pleasure.
She’s dead while she lives. Instead of fixing her hope on God and seeking what she needs from Him, the godless widow tries to find fulfillment and satisfaction in what the world would offer, the pleasures of the world, perhaps immorality. She’s a woman of pleasure. This word was used in the Old Testament in Ezekiel 16:49 of the people of Sodom. They lived with “careless ease,” is the way it’s translated in the Greek translation of the Old Testament. ???????anything to characterize you to characterize Sodom. They were caught up with themselves. That’s not the widow indeed we’re talking about. She may want help from the church because anything she can get will help her in her pursuit of her selfish life of pleasure. But the church is not to be involved in her life either.

That kind of woman is dead while she lives. She’s alive physically, but she’s dead spiritually. When Paul wrote to the Ephesians in chapter 4 verse 18 he referred to those who were “excluded from the life of God.” They are excluded from the life of God. So they have physical life but they have no spiritual life. Jesus addressed the church at Sardis in Revelation 3:1 and He says, “I know your deeds, you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead.” People think you’re alive, you’re dead. Physically alive, spiritually dead. That’s the condition of the widow living in pleasure and for pleasure—she’s dead while she lives because she has no spiritual life.

Serious matters, so in verse 7 Paul says to Timothy, prescribe these things, teach them, charge the people to do this, obey this. Command it, the things that I’ve just told you about in verses 3-6, so that they may be above reproach, blameless. Same word used of elders in chapter 3 verse 2, the elder must be blameless, above reproach. They must do this to be above reproach. He doesn’t say what has to be done in the way. You know it’s easy for us to fill in the blanks in scripture. What the scripture says is children and grandchildren are responsible for their parents, to see that they’re provided for, cared for, that their needs are met. He does not necessarily give the details. For example, there are a variety of ways for it to be done. Let’s use the widow since that’s what we’re talking about. You may have a widowed parent or widowed grandparent. They have to live, they have to have a place to live, they have to have food. In our day they may have their own resources, it may be their preference to continue to live on their own, could live in a retirement home or a nursing home or whatever. That is one option. Maybe they couldn’t afford to live in a retirement home or nursing home, then I guess the other alternative is to move in your home. Some of these things you work out together with your parents or with the surviving parent. The key thing here is it is your responsibility.

We live in a day when families are a bother. There was a troublesome article in the paper recently on the wage difference between men and women as a result of a study that just came out. They were talking about the fact that women make less money than men. And the study demonstrated the real problem that brings about this wage disparity is women leave their career track to have children and take care of children. The troublesome thing about the article was, something needs to be done to take care of the wage disparity. Women shouldn’t have to suffer because they step out of their career for a time for children. Women are being defined by having a career and making money, and having children and taking care of children is an interruption in that. And it’s not fair their careers are interrupted. When you come to the Bible, that is their life, their children, their families. But children are a bother, I mean let’s face it, they interrupt, they affect your lifestyle, they cost money, they take time. I realize it even more now. We don’t have any children at home, simplifies our life. We don’t arrange it around the feeding schedule, we don’t arrange it around when they have to be at school. It has simplified our life. But you know what happens then? Our parents could become a problem I’ve warned my children, if the Lord doesn’t come and I live long enough, I’ll be trouble. Just don’t forget your responsibility biblically. You have to see we’re taken care of. So if you hear a knock on your door and you look out the window and there I am with my suitcases, smile and open the door. We don’t want to be bothered. Everything around
our life The number 1 thing, for me to be fulfilled, for me to be happy and me to
enjoy life. And having kids is all right, but they ought to be able to be handled in such a way they don’t interfere with what I really like. And then my parents, I appreciate all
they did for me and I appreciate but I want to enjoy my life now, I don’t want
to be bothered with them.

Now we need to come back to the biblical perspective on things. These are God- given responsibilities, God-given blessings. What would be a greater purpose in my life than to do what is pleasing, at the end of verse 4, “in the sight of God.” You understand my life is not about pleasing me, my life is to be about pleasing Him. Now I understand that the world approach is, do something for yourself. The biblical approach is live your life for God, do what is pleasing to Him.

Now again, the details of this I can’t tell you. I can tell you maybe what we have done, but that doesn’t mean that’s what you should do. Part of that, you have to sit down with your parent who perhaps is in a situation of need, and work out with them what would be best, not just try to fulfill your responsibility with the least problem for yourself, but with the greatest thoughtfulness for them. What would be best for them? How are we going to work it out? How can we work it out? There might be things you’d say, I’d like to do if I have more money for them. But God has given you what you need to do what He wants you to do for them. I can’t work it out with someone else’s situation, but I do know God has given me what I have to work it out with my situation. And so we have a responsibility here. We cannot be godly people if we don’t carry it out. We have to be above reproach in this, there ought to be no question.

When you think about it, if I were here preaching and you heard that one of our parents, Marilyn’s or my parents, had to be taken to the City Mission, there was no one to care for them, they were living without heat, without air conditioning, didn’t have enough food. You’d say, I want to sit and listen to him preach? That’s a reproach, and we are to be above reproach. That’s a disgrace. In fact, you want to know how bad it is? Look at verse 8, “If anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his own household, he has denied the faith, he’s worse than an unbeliever.” I don’t know how you could say it any stronger. He hasn’t said anything that strong regarding heretical teachers. Don’t parade as godly when you’re not doing what the first step of godliness is, and that’s taking care of your own parents. He has denied the faith, he is worse than an infidel. He denies the faith by denying what God requires those who believe to do. This is not just a good idea, this is what is required of those who believe what God has said. We say, well, this is practical, this is not doctrine. I don’t know how much more doctrine you could get when you deny the faith. You’re worse than an unbeliever. Why? Well, generally speaking, the unbelievers take care of their family. I know a number of unbelievers who are taking care of a parent. Unbelievers do it. You read some of the more exhaustive commentaries, they’ll give you a list of quotes from pagan writers. Cicero, would be about the time of our New Testament, writes extensively about the obligation children have to care for their parents. It is despicable in the eyes of the world not to do it. Even today we look down on an unbeliever if we see their parent living in poverty and hunger and we think, how could they do that to their parent. Even among unbelievers they would think it despicable. And you don’t even do what the unbeliever does, you’re worse than an unbeliever if you’re not caring for your parents as God has made clear it must be done.

That doesn’t mean that someone else tells you, here’s how you care for them. It must be done this way. You have to work it out with your parents, and according to your situation. Some might say, well, if you don’t have them move in your house then you haven’t really cared for them. No, maybe in working it out the best thing for them is to be in another situation. I just have to be careful I am being honest before the Lord with my responsibility, not just looking for ways to avoid my responsibility.

Titus 1, this is a different context but it’s leading the way into what we’ve been talking about. Titus 1:16, remember we read the opening verses of chapter 2, which really deal with the same material we’ve been looking at in I Timothy 5. Look at the last verse of chapter 1 of Titus. “They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him.” That word “deny,” same word we have translated “deny” in “deny the faith” in I Timothy 5:8. If anyone does not care for his own, especially those of his own house, he has denied the faith. Titus 1:16, “They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable, disobedient, worthless for any good deed. But you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine,” older men, older women, younger men, younger women. So I’m not saying everyone who fails to take care of their parents, they should, is revealed to be an unbeliever, but I am saying in light of what we just read, why would you say a person who does not fulfill this obligation is a believer. I mean, if the #1 priority in learning godliness is to take care of your parents, and this person is not doing it and in not doing it, they’ve denied the faith, they are worse than an unbeliever, but I’m sure they are saved. Again, I’m not saying that a true believer can’t fail in an area like that. But I am saying I always want to be careful that I’m not providing excuse. Just like people who practice immorality say what? Oh, I know I’m going to heaven. Well, how do you know that? God says no immoral person shall be part of the kingdom of God.
And you want to tell me you’re practicing immorality but you know you’re saved. And God says no immoral person. You want to tell me you’re saved and you don’t take care of your parents, and God says if you don’t take care of your parents you’ve denied the faith, you’re worse than an infidel, and those who deny Him are detestable and worthless for anything good.

So it’s a serious matter. It brings pressure, it can bring difficulty, obviously it will restrain you in one way or another unless you are filthy rich and say I’ll just build them a mansion right next door to our mansion and hire 13 servants to take care of them. And the chauffeur will take them to the store and I’ll visit them. I still can’t absolve my responsibility as their child to love them, be involved, but for most people it will bring pressure. It will bring great pressure, but that’s all right, Lord. You’ve brought this into my life for your purpose, that I might learn godliness. That’s why it’s here, that’s why I had this opportunity in meeting this need of my parents.

So the parents by the same token, you know parents can be tough. I used to say when I was younger, I can’t wait until I’m as old as J. Vernon McGee and can be grouchy when I preach. He had a good way of grouchy preaching sometimes, and it was
effective. Well, I went ahead and got grouchy early, and now that I’m older But
parents you know it’s hard as a parent to take from your kids, isn’t it? You know, parents don’t want to take anything from their kids. And sometimes they need to, and sometimes
the kids, then, have to help with that process. What do I want to tell my parents? Look, you can’t live on your own anymore, somebody has to take care of you, you’ll be a burden no matter where you go, you might as well come to our house. Well, sure, I’ll get my things, I really feel like coming now. I mean, I know you want me. So we do want to do it in a spirit that shows it’s a privilege to do what God wants us to do, isn’t it? What do I say? Even if it’s a burden, it’s a privilege, isn’t it? I mean, to do what is pleasing in God’s sight, wouldn’t that be a privilege? So, Lord, I want to please you. Well, here’s an opportunity. Don’t take the opportunity away from me, I want to learn more of godliness. Why would you want to not allow me to have that opportunity? I mean, parents can be proud, self-righteous, too, you know. Oh, wouldn’t take anything from the kids. Well, go hungry, you old goat. I mean, so there is a balance here. That’s why I say we work it out with our families, that godly character would be seen in it all.

So what has he done with these verses? He’s prepared the way, now, where he’s going to focus with the church’s involvement. But first you have to understand the family’s involvement here. On occasion I’ve had calls from children who lived in other places, wanted to know why we weren’t doing more to care for their parents. Because your parents have children, and I’m talking to one of them on the phone. That means it’s your responsibility. Of course, we love them as a church family, but we want to be careful we don’t think that the church ought to be taking care of Mom or Dad, that we wonder what the church is going to do. I understand it’s my responsibility, clarifies things, doesn’t it? Clears the air here. This is family, physical family, and I have a spiritual responsibility in it. We carry it out, and in that way I grow in godliness. And we’re talking about people who know the Lord, and His grace is always sufficient. The Lord doesn’t call me to do anything that He doesn’t provide the grace for me to do it.
And I may not have abundance, but it’s like raising your children. Some children raised with little materially, that’s all right, they can be just as blessed as the children with riches, sometimes more. So the issue is not, well, I can’t give my parents everything I would like to give them. I can give them everything God intends for me to provide for them, because He wouldn’t give me less than He intends for me to use this way. So His grace is sufficient.

That’s why I say I can’t set down the individual guidelines and rules for someone else. Say what the scripture requires, the working out of the details becomes a personal matter for us to allow the Lord to direct us in our lives and as a result of doing it we grow in godliness. The church is blest, families are blest, and God is honored.

Let’s pray together. Lord, you are a great God, you are an awesome God, you are our heavenly Father. You provide for us, you care for us in every situation and circumstance of life. Your love never fails, your provision never lacks. Lord, we are blest to have your work in our lives. We are blest to belong to you, we are blest to be able to manifest your love, the beauty of your character in our relationships with one another. Lord, we pray that as a church family we might deal with one another as a family, treating the older as parents, the younger as brother and sister. I pray, Lord, for our families, our parents where there may be need. Lord, may we count it a privilege to be pleasing to you, a privilege to learn godliness by fulfilling our responsibilities. May it be a blessing to draw upon your grace and to minister in these ways. Lord, that will prepare us for what our responsibility is as a church in these areas, that we might do all and be all that you intend us to be. We praise you for your grace. In Christ’s name, amen.