Godliness In Marriage

Transcript

GR1936
12/06/2015
Godliness in Marriage
I Peter 3:1-7
Gil Rugh

We are going to I Peter chapter 3 in your Bibles. We are in a section where Peter is talking about the conduct of believers. Back in chapter 2, verse 12, “Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles” and this is to demonstrate in our conduct, the work of God’s grace in our lives. Then he turns to address specific areas where believers have to live in positions of submission to others and that becomes an area where we can manifest clearly godliness.

It started out with civil authorities, governing authorities. It moved from there to servants and masters and the comment here. He is not requiring slavery. He is not saying it must be. We note the principles here would be the same for us with employees and employers in their relationship. In the Roman Empire we talked about the vast number of slaves and much of the work was done by slaves.

I used to wonder when I would read about all the entertainments going on at the Coliseum. How did people have time to work? But if you were a Roman citizen you didn’t need to worry about that because you were above work. You had slaves to do the work. At any rate, the slave/master relationship.

Then we come in chapter 3 to the husband and wife relationship. It doesn’t mean that the wife is the slave to the husband because that followed slaves and masters but there is an order established just like with civil authorities. We are not slaves in that sense but we are under their authority. The principle of authority is still there and so he is talking about submitting to those in authority over us.

He is going to talk in the first six verses about a wife’s responsibility in submission to her husband. In verse 7 he will mention husbands. He didn’t mention responsibility of governing authorities or responsibilities of masters but he does bring in believing husbands in verse 7 but in each of these the context has been where believers may be in a situation where they have to be submissive to unbelieving authorities over them.

So in verse 1 of chapter 3 he said, “In the same way, you wives…” In the same way as he has been talking about, particularly the example of Christ in verses 21 – 25 of chapter 2 set it in its proper context. He is the model and example for us. “The same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands.” So that is a general principle. But he is going to zero in now more specifically “so that if even any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”

So the particularly difficult situation will be where a wife has an unbelieving husband and he is writing to Jewish believers. You recognize the antagonism could be heightened there where you have an unbelieving Jewish husband who would be very unhappy with the fact that his Jewish wife, and the Jewish husband would have a Jewish wife, has converted to Christianity. So he could be making her life more difficult if you will.

So just like improper rulers makes submission to them more difficult, improper masters make it more difficult for the servants so it would be with an ungodly husband. “Those disobedient to the word” not referring to believing husbands who are not functioning Biblically as we looked at in this verse in our previous study. He is talking about those who have not responded in faith to the Word of God.

The goal is that even the behavior of a believing wife will have an impact on him and be used perhaps to bring them to salvation. It is not a guarantee but it is one of the ways God may use. We saw this back in chapter 2, verse 12: “Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles so that in the thing in which they slander you as evil doers.” So they are not treating these believers necessarily with kindness and thoughtfulness but “they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.” And what as we noted when we studied that was that through the godly testimony of your life leading maybe to an opportunity for them to hear the Gospel they get saved.

Well when it comes to the day of God’s judgment they will glorify Him for having had believers whose lives were a testimony of God’s grace and were used to bring them to God’s grace. “As they observe your chase and respectful behavior.”

This whole matter of submissiveness, the relationship of husband and wife is a foundational principle in the Scripture. It goes back to the original creation. The man was created first and then the woman. The woman was deceived in the transgression. We talked about those things and we may refer more generally to some of the matters at a future study.

But now he is going to move on here in the context to talk about how they conduct themselves, their behavior, their adornment, their attitude toward their husband. Then we will have a brief word to husbands who may be believers. The Scripture does not address directly the conduct of unbelievers as though change it. Now in the Old Testament in Israel as a nation supposedly living under God’s rule and God’s law you have the nation but you don’t have Israel reaching out trying to get the Babylonians or the Egyptians or the Assyrians to live godly lives.

When you come to the New Testament the instructions for behavior are directed to believers. He doesn’t instruct unbelievers here how to conduct themselves. He addresses believers how to conduct themselves in their relationship with unbelievers. It is expected and assumed that unbelievers are going to function ungodly lives and there is no attempt to get them to conform externally. There is no benefit in that in the ultimate sense.

So the instruction here is to believing wives and their conduct. He is going to talk about their conduct and then he is going to give examples of Old Testament wives who were godly. Nothing has changed. God’s plan has continued the same.

But we pick up with verse 3, addressing believing wives and these believing wives may have unbelieving husbands. Your adornment must not be merely external. And it is a command here, present tense command. This must be the way they are conducting themselves, it must not be external. The adornment is the word cosmos, for the world and it is the word that we get the word cosmetics from and it is word that means an orderly arrangement, adornment, how you put yourself together. Your adornment must not be (and we have put you note in italics, that means there is no word for that) your adornment must not be external but merely gives you the sense because some of what he is going to say indicates there must be some of this. But the point is this is not the focal point of your life. This is not what your life is about, your appearance. So your adornment must not be merely external. By that he gives example: “braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, putting on dresses.” And obviously there is going to be some of this. That word translated dresses is a little bit of an anachronism since they wouldn’t have called things dresses but it is word that means clothing and obviously you are supposed to put on clothes. So the word merely gives you the idea. But your life is not about your appearance; your hair, jewelry, dresses.

I sometimes think as I read the passage and passages like this of what goes on we think of Hollywood and when they are putting on, you know, one of their award ceremonies or something. You know the focal point of the women and how they are dressed and their hair and their jewelry and all of this. Well, that is the extreme. That is not to be the focal point of a godly woman. That doesn’t mean there can’t be some of that and we all have some of it and every woman does. Some Christians have taken this to the extreme, no braiding of the hair, no jewelry, very limited plain clothes.

When we were first saved we were involved with a group that was very conservative. My mother was the first one saved in our home and this group taught you should not fix your hair. You just pulled it back in a certain way, a bun and that was it. No make-up and the most plain of clothes. So my mother wanted to be a godly woman so she did what they said. My dad wasn’t saved yet and I still remember him saying, “Shirley, you look like walking death.” The intentions were good but maybe it went to extreme. Even when we went to a Bible teaching church they were more liberal in how they approached clothes but you could not sing in the choir as a woman if you wore lipstick. So interesting, the little things that we pick up that aren’t really directed and we carry Scripture maybe beyond and this becomes a personal matter, how you wear your hair, what kind of jewelry you wear and don’t wear and your clothes but the principle is there. We want to be careful that that’s not what our life is about. For the world it is.

We mentioned Hollywood and it becomes somewhat sad and pathetic as these women that were such a focal point age they keep trying to maintain the youth and you can’t do it and then it becomes something of a parity and not attractive at all. For the godly woman, that is not the focal point of her life. That is the negative side.

Come back to the Old Testament just one example, Isaiah chapter 3, Isaiah chapter 3. And with the spiritual deterioration in Israel naturally you become more like the world. This happened there and God addresses the woman in Israel that their attention had become totally focused and assume the men’s had and this is what they wanted. In verse 16 of Isaiah 3: “Moreover the Lord said, ‘Because the daughters of Zion are proud.’” The daughters of Zion are obviously Jewish women. “They walk with heads held high and seductive eyes. Go along with mincing steps. Tingle the bangles on their feet. Then the Lord will bring judgment; afflict the scalp of the daughters of Zion with scabs. The Lord will make their foreheads bare. In that day the Lord will take away the beauty of their anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans, and veils.” It sounds like Marilyn’s closet. No, no, no but you can see what happened. It became absorbed with all the external things. They didn’t care about godly character anymore. There is nothing wrong with being attractive and you know, looking attractive but this goes beyond that. They have lost all interest, concern about anything spiritual. Everything is external and that’s the world appears, right? The way they sell things, the way they promote it. This is necessary. This will make you happy and so on.

So you can see that was the condition of Israel. God said I am going to replace all these things because you are going into captivity and you don’t have a belt, you have a rope as He goes on. Instead of well-set hair the hair is plucked out. You wear sack cloth instead of fine clothes. Not because God was against looking attractive but He is saying, you have become absorbed with just the physical and the external things, a sign that godliness is no longer present.

Come over to the New Testament to one passage in I Timothy chapter 2, I Timothy chapter 2, verse 9: “Likewise I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly; not with braided hair, gold or pearls or costly garments; rather by means of good works as is proper for a woman making a claim to godliness.” So the character of our life and the conduct of that but the fact is they will have proper clothing and they will have to do something with their hair. I am not saying they could never wear anything else, no kind of jewelry but the focal point of my life is, I want God’s character to be manifest in the way I conduct myself. Now the goal is not to draw attention to ourselves by being the extreme the other way, trying to convey by physical things a certain humility. Godly character is what is shining through and our external adornment is within the bounds instructed here.

Alright, come back to Peter. So we have the negative. Here is where we don’t want the focus to be then verse 4: “But let it be the hidden person of the heart.” The contrast is drawn, the hidden person of the heart. In other words what God has done within is now being manifested without. Scripture talks about the inner man, that inner person; the heart referring to what we are within, what Christ has made us as a new creature. That is what is coming out. It is coming from within. That is not seen. They don’t see the transformed heart, the ‘made new’ on the inside but what is seen is the manifestation of that. That is why the Scripture is not concerned to tell the unbeliever to reform their conduct because that doesn’t mean anything to God. He is the One who examines the heart but here now when He has given us a new heart, made us new creatures in Christ, caused us to be born again as Peter referred to in chapter 1 of this letter now that is to manifest itself in our conduct, in our behavior.

So our adornment, what characterizes this godly wife is the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God; an imperishable quality. Peter likes, is fond of this contrast between that which is imperishable and that which is perishable. Back in chapter 1, verse 4: “We are going to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and it won’t fade away.” So it is an imperishable inheritance.

In verse 18: “Knowing you were not redeemed with perishable things,” Verse 19: “But with the precious blood of Christ.” Not perishable but those things which are not perishable; down in verse 23: “You have been born again, not of seed which is perishable but imperishable.” Now we talk about in chapter 3 the imperishable quality. This is what will last. The character of Christ now produced in us. This will go on. It will never fade away. We will get old, wrinkled. Our physical appearance will not maintain its physical beauty as much as our society tries to stress it and how you can look younger, longer and have that youthful vigor longer. It is a losing fight. It’s just going to deteriorate but that imperishable quality you know like Paul wrote to the Corinthians in 2 Corinthians chapter 4: “Though the outer man is perishing, the inner man is being renewed day by day.” With the passing of time that inner quality grows more beautiful in its manifestation even though the outer appearance may be declining.

So let it be the hidden person of the heart that is the adornment that is the manifest quality of your life. That would be the chaste and respectful behavior of verse 2. Being submissive as God would have you. You are manifesting those qualities and characters. Why are you doing that? Well not because your husband is the greatest husband and maybe he doesn’t treat you if you have an unbelieving husband, very nicely, very appreciatively but I am manifesting the character of Christ, chapter 2 verse 21 and following.

Verse 21: “You have been called for this purpose since Christ suffered for you leaving you an example.” So that is the quality. I am doing this, I desire to be like the master that I serve and manifest the beauty of what He has done in my life; the hidden person of the heart, the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit; not the Holy Spirit here but again that inner person, the heart, the spirit. We are within these physical bodies. It is gentle. That word sometimes translated meek, “Not insistent on one’s own rights, not pushy, not selfishly assertive, not demanding one’s own way; describes the behavior as considerate, unassuming.” That is the quality. It is not just for a godly woman. He is addressing that here but this is one of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians chapter 5, verse 23. For the fruit of the Spirit, the life of the believer is this quality, gentleness, meekness as it is sometimes translated. Christ said it is a characteristic of believers. “Blessed are the meek,” as we are more familiar with it in our translation. It says, “Blessed are the gentle for they shall inherit the earth.” It’s a characteristic of Christ. I am meek or gentle or lowly. “Come to Me all you who are heavy laden.” Matthew chapter 11, verse 29: “Take My yoke upon you, I am meek,” I am gentle in heart.

So this is not just, well, this refers just to the woman. She is not to be selfishly assertive but we, believing men, we can be. No, he is addressing the women here and to have this godly quality but godly men will have a similar quality to manifest as they conduct themselves as a godly man should.

This is what was said of Christ in quoting from Zechariah when He rode into Jerusalem on the donkey. Your King comes, meek or gentle. So this is not something we shy away from, this is what we want. It is not a sign of weakness, of failure. The world doesn’t admire it but we are not looking for the admiration of the world. We are looking to please the God that we love and serve.

The gentle and quiet spirit; one said it pictures a quiet disposition in contrast to a noisy or boisterous attitude. Again, it can be used to refer more to silence when it is contrasted to talking but it is a quality that is to characterize all of us.

Come over to 2 Thessalonians chapter 3, back to 2 Thessalonians chapter 3. In 2 Thessalonians chapter 3, verse 12, verse 11: “Now we hear some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, acting like busybodies. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to work in a quiet fashion.” Not busybodies, noisy, going around with this boisterous way, no, quiet, a subdued kind of attitude, not busy bodies but quiet fashion.

We are in Thessalonians, back up to 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, the end of verse 10: “We urge you brethren to excel still more and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.” What does he mean? Attend to your own business this is not intruding into others, that busybodyness, that nosiness in that sense, that attitude you know, they are always into somebody’s business kind of attitude; so the quietness. He is addressing the wife here to be godly but it is also to characterize all of us in that sense of that quietness; knowing our position; functioning properly that way in all of our relationships.

If you back this way, when we submit properly to governing authorities we are to have not that boisterous attitude. Well we have something to say and we say it. No, we are to be what? Quietly submissive to those in authority over us, the governing authorities. Same with those who are our bosses, who rule over us. Always got something to say, no matter what you say to them, they have a comeback. They always have something to say. It’s not the attitude that is to characterize us. It is not to characterize a godly wife. Well I am submissive to my husband but he is going to hear what I have to say. None of these relationships would that be characteristic of godliness. There are other examples but that is enough.

Come back to I Peter. The ultimate reason why we do this, why a wife would want this to characterize us, this will please her husband. No, that is not what he says. He says “This is precious in the sight of God.” Oh who do I want to please? So here a wife is functioning in a way that is submissive to her husband in the best way she can which would be pleasing to him even though he may be antagonistic to her because the real antagonistic is a spiritual antagonism because you have a husband who is a child of the devil with a wife who is a child of God. There is going to be the tension and the conflict there but she is not the cause of it even though you could expect an ungodly husband is going to blame her. Just like we had back in verse 12 of chapter 2, “Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers.” And they will be used by God to ultimately have an impact on them.

So we want to be careful that our ultimate goal in all of these relationships and here for the godly wife is to do what is precious in the sight of God. It is of great value. This denotes something very costly, of great value. It is precious in the sight of God. Well, I want to do what he says. You know we sometimes think of being spiritual and wanting to be spiritual this is what we have noted as we go through Peter. He comes into these very practical areas. How I conduct myself in submission to governing authorities, how I conduct myself in submission to those who have authority over me as a master or a boss, how a wife submits to a husband you may be an unbeliever and can be a difficult person to live us. These kinds of things are very practical, down to earth, how we live our life and we live it with an ultimate goal. For the world you deserve happiness, you deserve a good life, you deserve. We are not living our life with a focus on that realm. We are living our life what? With a desire to please the One in whose presence we will dwell for eternity. We have the Gospel song, “With Eternity’s Values in View.” That is true. That is how we live with eternity’s values in view, living for God.

My life might not be very pleasant. He is writing to Jewish believers who are now going through difficult trials. Come back to chapter 1, verse 6: “In this you greatly rejoice even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials.” In these areas where they have to be submissive may be just some of these trials but the proof of your faith being more precious than gold. We are doing what “is precious (over in chapter 3) in the sight of God.” Not necessarily easy. None of these relationships are. That’s why Peter brings them in under the direction of the Spirit. It is hard to live a godly submissiveness under someone who is in authority over you who makes life difficult and miserable and does everything they can to make your life that way. Many of you wonder, “Why do they have to do that? Why does it have to be like this?” Well because they don’t know the One who can bring peace to them. And as James says in chapter 3, the wars and the conflicts come from the turmoil within and people miserable within reflect that and often you have the antagonism of a believer and unbeliever situation that comes out. So here is for a godly wife. “It is precious in the sight of God.”

Now let’s have some examples. Anybody really live like this? Well, verse 5: “For in this way in former times the holy women also.” Let’s go back to the Old Testament because remember this particularly is impacting because he is writing to Jewish believers. This would include believing Jewish men and in this context here a believing Jewish woman whose husband may well not be a believer.

The instruction back in chapter 1 of this letter, verse 15 from God was from the Old Testament: “You shall be holy for I am holy,” a quote from verse 16; so about those women who were holy in the Old Testament who lived their lives in a manner pleasing to God. “In former times the holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves.” And that hoping in God is a recurring emphasis. We as believers have a future focus in our lives.

Back in chapter 1, verse 3: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ Who according to His mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope.” Down in verse 13: “Therefore prepare your minds for action. Keep sober in spirit. Fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” Verse 21: “Who through Him are believers in God Who raised Him from the dead, gave Him glory so that your faith and hope are in God;” as the Scripture tells us. Another place hope has to do with things that are not seen because you don’t hope for the things that you see.

So we keep talking about hope. It is, you know you are going through trials, tribulation, difficultly. You know if you are going in for surgery you are not looking forward to the surgery. What are you looking forward to? The results and what will be true after the surgery that things will be much better. The pain will be gone. I will be able to function better and so on. So that is what he is saying. We are not focused on the trials and the difficulty and unpleasantly and think what I am not getting to enjoy. Think what I am missing out on life. You are not missing anything. We as God’s people are not missing out on anything. The world has to get everything it can now – eat drink and merry. Do you know why? Tomorrow you are going to die and that’s all you have. The unbeliever is going to hell. This is the best it will ever be. But as we often remind ourselves for us as believers this is the worst it will ever get because we are going to glory. So we live our lives pleasing to Him, focused on the hope.

In chapter 3 where we are down in verse 15: “But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.” And there is our word gentleness that is to characterize them up in verse 4, “a gentle and quiet spirit.” That is the hope. That is the focal point.

Okay, so the godly women of the Old Testament lived a future hope. That is what Hebrews talks about in chapter 11, the people of faith lived in what? The hope of the future believing that God would do what He promised. That is what he is talking about here.

“In the former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves.” Same basic word you have in verse 3, “your adornment.” So here we have here, “The holy women also used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands.” This is not a cultural issue. This is a creation issue crucially important to us as believers because the tie to the world has become so open in its rebellion against God that they will stop at nothing to oppose the plan of God in the distinctions He intended from the creation for a man and a woman and in every way under the guise of equality they want to destroy any distinction. We expect that from the unbeliever.

So we are not on a crusade to get the unbelievers to change their view on these things because it would do no good and things get worse so we move toward the climax of this age, the open rebellion against God becomes more evident. Who would have thought it would come to what it’s come to? You know you break down any distinctions, we break down any children should have just as much authority as parents and children’s rights and you break down everything and you break down the roles of the sexes and then we wonder why in the family, men do not carry their responsibility and women are not… We are not trying to break that but when God changes us we come to the Word and say, “what does He desire of me? What is precious and of great value to the God that I desire to please?”

So they were being submissive to their own husbands. Where in the world today would you go and teach that? You are not going down to the university and teach it. You know it is unacceptable there but we don’t adopt that.

What about a specific example? Well, who is the father of the Jews? They call Father Abraham. We have Abraham as our father in John 8 as they address Christ. Well who would the Jewish women look to? Who is the wife with Abraham who produced the son? Why it’s Sarah so they would look to Sarah. So here is the example: “Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham.” She obeyed him. That is what it means to be submissive.

You know it is amazing as you have people come to the Scriptures and want to twist it. They try to give meanings to words, change the meaning of words to try to fit so the world’s view can become the Scriptural view. It is a word that always means to obey someone who is in authority over you and if Sarah was submissive to Abraham she would obey him. To say I am submissive but I won’t obey, what does submissive mean? I am submissive to my boss but I am not going to do what he tells me. I am submissive to governing authorities but I am not going to do what they tell me. I am not going to obey. Well, meaningless. So Sarah is the example of submissiveness by obeying Abraham.

That word obey (we are not going there) it is used in Colossians chapter 3, verse 20; Ephesians chapter 6, verse 6 of children obeying their parents. It is never used of parents obeying their children; something good for new parents to learn. They don’t have to do what their children want. Their children don’t run the family. That sort of changed since I was a kid. I missed out on the modern days as some of you did. It is the same word used of “slaves obeyed their master” in Colossians and Ephesians as well. So here, wives obeyed their husbands. Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him, “Lord.”

Now we believe in inspiration because you could think, whoa, maybe Peter is going a little far here. And you know only one time in the Old Testament is it recorded that Sarah called Abraham, “Lord” and it is sort of in a passing kind of statement.

Why don’t you come back there, Genesis chapter 18? It is not in a situation where he is telling her to do something and she says, “Yes, lord, I will do it.” It is more in just a general reverence when they are two old people but it reveals something of the character of her life and how she viewed her husband. It just comes out in what you would say a normal conversation as they are older.

In Genesis chapter 18 the context here is, God has come and promised them a child, Isaac will be a father and Sarah will be the mother. Now verse 11 says, “Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age. Sarah was past child bearing.” This was because in verse 10 God had said, “I will surely return to you at this time next year. Sarah, your wife will have a son.” Now you’ve got two old people and Sarah is beyond having children. “Sarah laughed to herself (verse 12) saying, ‘After I have become old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?’” That is the reference to her called him ‘lord.’ As you can see it is almost just a passing reference. It is not in a context where he is telling her to do something and she says, “Yes, lord.” It shows her attitude toward him. That is the beauty of it. It is just the way she thought of him. It is just what comes out when she is referring to him. It doesn’t say, ‘when my husband is old; when my lord is old.” It denotes the character and quality of her life in her reference to him. It shows respect and reverence and honor.

Come back to Peter. The only other uses of ‘lord’ in Peter and there are one, two, three, four, five, six that I have noted. In addition to this they all refer to Christ being Lord and here the only other use is of Sarah referring to her husband as lord as that is the example the Holy Spirit gives. “The holy women of old used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands. Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him lord and you have become her children.” Just like those who have the faith of Abraham are of father Abraham; those who are manifesting the character of Sarah are descendants of faithful Sarah, godly Sarah. To a Jewish woman that would make a clear impact and it is here that we understand what godliness is. We ought to be in the line of those faithful, godly Old Testament saints, the faith they had, the godly conduct that is evident. That is what we desire.

“If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” The idea here as you have in other places, your life is to be characterized by godliness. It is not enough for an ungodly woman, an unsaved woman just to you know, submit to her husband. There is more to it. You do what is right and you do it without fear in the sense of you are doing it, out of a desire to honor God. I am doing this, I am trusting Him. He is the shepherd and guardian of my soul back in chapter 2, verse 25. I am doing it because I trust God and His will for my life and this is the situation that I am in. I am here to honor Him, to be a testimony of His grace in my life. My life is in His hands. That is the picture here. So it is just part of the characteristic of the life of a godly woman he is focusing on.

Now here he does something and I want to include this since as I mentioned we are going to have a break before we get back to Peter. The message to husbands and you note he only gets one. So it is six times more important that wives do what they are supposed to than husbands do what they are supposed to. Not really. It is just he hasn’t included, like I said, anything about civic authorities and their responsibility or masters and their responsibilities if they happen to be believers. But here in the importance of a marriage relationship the Spirit directs him to have a word to the husband because everything has not been said that can be said and everything else he is saying about godliness in the whole letter would apply to a husband. It is just like everything he said here for godliness in life would apply to civil authorities and rulers who are believers or masters or employers who are believers. So it is not that they have been left out. Everything he has said includes them. He has focused on them because there is special pressure when you are in a position of submissiveness but he does have addressed a word to believing husbands.

“You husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way.” The likewise here doesn’t mean you be submissive to them but you have to live with them according to knowledge. That is translated ‘in an understanding way.’ You live with them according to knowledge. In other words what you know now as a believer is God’s will for your life. That’s why I say the whole letter here would apply to godliness in a believer’s life. So a believing husband you live with your wife according to knowledge and you know what the Scripture says about the role of a husband and the role of a wife.

What it means to be the man and what it means to be the woman. You live with her according to knowledge as with someone weaker and literally as you have in the margin, “a weaker vessel.” Both are vessels, utensils, used by God. She is a weaker one. The man is the stronger one. That is the general role. Their roles are different. Man is to be the provider and protector of his own and the woman takes care of the home and functions in a different realm. In a general role she will be weaker physically. They’ve got women into these fighting things, punching and kicking. I’d be out in half a second. It doesn’t mean that I have to be stronger and tougher than every woman but the point is the woman is the weaker vessel all around. God didn’t make her to be like the man. It is what the world will not agree to. He made the man different than the woman. We will talk more about this when we get back to general principles but the man ought to recognize this. She is the weaker vessel. She’s a woman. She was taken out of the man. It draws attention by calling her the woman; since she is the woman that is not a put down. The man is to live with her according to knowledge knowing what God intended when He created man as man and man as female, man as woman, out of man. You get back there. It was that they would fill different complimentary roles. They weren’t created to compete with one another. They weren’t created to be the same and man must keep this in mind.

So the woman is the weaker vessel. That doesn’t mean she is inferior. It doesn’t mean she is inferior spiritually. It doesn’t mean she is intellectually inferior. The wife can be much smarter than her husband. We are not in competition and God brings us together so we can complement one another. It doesn’t mean you know we get an image, don’t have to fit a mold.

I think of Esau and Jacob. Esau was the hunter, he was the man’s man and his father liked him. Jacob was the mama’s boy and mom liked him but they were both men. They didn’t have to be just alike even as men. We recognize the difference. I have sometimes used the example with you of the weaker vessel. We are both vessels, instruments that God uses. The men are the pots and pans, the women are the fine china. They have their own use. God didn’t create the woman to be a man. He didn’t create a man to be a woman. You know again there is variation. Every man doesn’t have to be a football player and every woman doesn’t just have to be a specialist in cookies but we do need cookies for the Christmas program. I guess that is on my mind. But we need to realize that men better be sensitive because their wives are fellow heirs of the grace of God so you show her honor. You hold her as worthy, one of worth. She is precious to you.

This word was used of Christ back in chapter 2, verse 6: “I lay in Zion a choice stone, a precious stone.” You realize you show her, you treat her as one worthy of honor, one who is precious, the weaker vessel. You want to protect her. You want to see that she is not put under pressure that God didn’t create her to have. That is not a put down.

Now in the world it is. If you are saying the woman can’t be everything and do everything and be just like the man. I see now we are going to have them in every realm of the military. When God chose a nation it was only the men. We just want to be careful. The world is constantly pushing and if you don’t, why then you are anti-women. We are not arguing men can do household things and that is fine but all the pressure is on the women. We as godly men treat her according to the Word of God. We realize she is a fellow heir of grace. She is the weaker vessel. Weaker doesn’t mean inferior. That’s why I used the example of fine china verses pots and pans. When our kids were little; what it is about little kids they like to open the bottom drawers and play with the pots and pans but they are never allowed to play with the china but they are both vessels. Most used for food and that. What is the difference? One is weaker. Now that doesn’t mean she has to be potentially you know, cared for. I realize she is the despot of the home. In our home I thought about this in a former home we had and I thought well she is a despot of the home and I don’t want to limit her so I told Marilyn one day, “You know I think the home includes everything around the home.” That probably includes the lawn so that goes down to the curb and we do have a power mower in the garage so that is just part of the home. I came home that day and there were two blond haired guys cutting the lawn. I said to Marilyn, “What is going on?” She said, “Well you said I am in charge. I hired these men. They are going to be doing our lawn.” She still has a fallen nature that is competition for mine I guess.

You know why we men have to do this? At the end of verse 7: “So that your prayers may not be hindered.” This is a spiritual issue. If I don’t treat my wife properly as God says He created her to be, I can’t have a right relationship with God. That is just the way it is. I cannot mistreat my wife and have an effective prayer life. My relationship with God is hindered because just as my wife is not being submissive to me, her relationship with God is hindered. Why? Because she is not submissive to God. It is just like we saw about governing authorities in Romans chapter 13. If you rebelling against them you are rebelling against the God who appointed them. By the same token if I don’t dwell with her according to knowledge recognizing she is the weaker vessel but the spiritual equal, a fellow heir of grace, I am not being submissive to God. If I am in rebellion against Him what kind of a prayer life do I have? So my spiritual life is hindered.

None of this makes any difference to an unbelieving world but it makes all the difference to us as believers and it is just beautiful how when God transforms us on the inside life is transformed. We are now living a different life in a fallen world and we are lights in the darkness and the only way you can live this life is to be transformed on the inside because He brings the enabling power to live godly, submissive lives to ungodly governing authorities, to ungodly masters, to ungodly husbands but in all of this we have to be godly and that means we as husbands have a responsibility.

He doesn’t dwell on that because whatever else he says will apply to husbands. He is focused on the specific areas of difficulties he wants us to be aware of.

I think it is wonderful to note. You know my Christianity is just not about studying the Bible, then going out and struggling through life. The new life I have in Christ is about a new life. Everywhere you go, everything you do in the greatest difficulties, the most unpleasant situations, the hardest circumstances this is what God has for me. I can live here for Him. My goal is to honor Him in this particular situation. My goal is to please Him. Do what is precious in His sight. It doesn’t matter what the world says. Their standard is not my standard but I live within that framework. I am a believer. I am a citizen of heaven but I don’t submit there. Well, I have an unbelieving husband. My life would be much more pleasant, much more enjoyable. I think I could have a much better testimony for Christ and live for Him if I had a believing husband. That’s why Paul had to write in I Corinthians 7, “If you have an unbelieving spouse, a husband or a wife if they are willing to live with you, you don’t divorce them just because they are unbelievers.” We can think of all kinds of ways if things were different I could be a better testimony but then we have to back up. Who is sovereign? Who has put me in this situation at this time? And He has put me where I can be the greatest testimony for Him and that is where I want to be even when I don’t want to be there. So we have that comfort and that assurance that God is at work.

Let’s pray together. Thank You Lord for the riches of Your Word. Lord we are in awe of Your greatness, Your knowledge and Your plan for us that there are no mistakes, there are no errors and Lord even when we are placed in difficult circumstances sometimes unbearable yet You are our sufficiency. You have put us where You want us so that we might honor You, that we might endure the difficulty to testify and manifest Your grace. Lord we pray that we will keep this before us. We live in anticipation and hope of the fulfillment of all that You have promised. The things of this life are passing. The pleasures of this life are temporal. Lord what You have promised for us, what You have stored up as our inheritance will be eternal and unending and we live anticipating that. Bless our testimony for You in the days of the week before us. May we honor You in whatever we are doing and wherever we are we pray in Christ’s name, amen.