Responsibilities of Children and Parents

Transcript

GR 2333
11/28/2021
Responsibilities of Children and Parents
Ephesians 6:1-4
Gil Rugh


We are going to the book of Ephesians and we're ready to start the sixth chapter, the last chapter. Remember when Paul wrote this it was a letter to the Ephesians and there were no chapters, there were no verse divisions, so it just flowed along. I have no problem with the chapter and verse divisions because it does help us as we study together and find our way through, but that was a later addition. Remember the first three chapters were giving us the doctrine, basically the last three chapters of Ephesians, chapter 4-6, focus more on the practical implementation of those doctrinal truths. Doctrine is not given in the Scripture just for us to have information, but it is to shape the way we live, the way we conduct ourselves. So we noted the key expression ‘to walk’, it began really this emphasis in Ephesians 4:1, “Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” And then verse 17, “Walk no longer.” So the contrast, the way you used to walk but the way you walk now; the way you lived your life before, the way you live your life now. That's the basic distinction being drawn. In Ephesians 5:15 we were told, “Therefore be careful how you walk.” Again that emphasis on your behavior, your conduct, the daily everyday things of life are adjusted and changed, some in a great way and some in a less great way. But in every way now our life is different than it was. “Be careful how you walk.” And then in verse 18, “Be filled with the Spirit.” And that's basically talking about our walk.

When you walk as God would have you walk, when you walk as the wise and not as the unwise, when you walk in the new life you have been given, worthy of the calling with which you have been called as Ephesians 4:1 said, there will be certain things that characterize you. You will be controlled by the Spirit of God. So that command to be careful how you walk in Ephesians 5:15 and the command to be filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5:18 are basically telling you the same thing. When you walk as you are supposed to walk in the new life, you are walking under the control of the Spirit of God. That's what it means to be filled with the Spirit, contrasted with an unsaved person who in drunkenness is controlled by their drink and the power of that drink and the drunken lifestyle. We are filled, we are controlled, we are living according to the direction of the Spirit of God. What a privilege and honor that is.

He gave five participles that modified that command to be filled with the Spirit. In verses 19-21 we had those, concluding in verse 21 and in that one we don't have . . . Usually in our English, as we've noted, participles are “i-n-g” ending words like speaking, singing, making, giving, always giving, giving thanks. ‘Being subject’ in verse 21 would give you the idea, as you have it in the margin of your Bible. And then there are the evidences that you are being subject, you are being filled with the Spirit and manifesting itself by the order that is in your life. Now not everything is included here. For example 1 Peter talks about believers are to be under the control of governing authorities. Well, he doesn't talk about that here, but he picks out three key things that have to do with really the home life and things arranged around the home—the husband/wife relationship, the children/parent relationship and the slave/master relationship. We talked about the wives and the husbands and it's always in that order. The first person who manifests they are under the control of the Spirit by their willing and readiness to be submissive, verse 21, “Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” The desire to honor Him, to please Him, to function according to His will means we will function submissively. In 1 Peter 2 he talks about two governing authorities, here Paul doesn't. So we look at it all together.

We noted that with the wives he begins with the person who is to be submissive, and then he addresses those who have the authority in the relationship. “Wives, be subject [submissive] to your own husbands.” Then he addresses the husband's responsibility to “love your wives as Christ also loved the church.” In chapter 6 we are going to talk about the children, obey your parents; and then the fathers, verse 4, “Do not provoke your children.” And then he'll talk about slaves in verse 5, being obedient to your masters, your fleshly authority. But verse 9 will remind the masters. So that constant balance is there and one is not dependent on the other. We noted that with the wives, it is instruction to the wives. You may have an unbelieving husband. But except in those rare occasions where he may require something that is directly in conflict with the Word of God, you obey him. And husbands are to love their wives. They may not be a godly woman, but you still love them. And the same with “Children, obey your parents” in chapter 6, and in verse 4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children.” And then it will go with slaves and then the masters.

Ephesians 5:22-24 talked about the wives, they are to be submissive. But then in a longer expression, verses 25-32, he talked to the husbands and their responsibility as they exercise the leadership in a godly way for their wives. That was all summarized in verse 33, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is love his own wife even as himself” because the two have become one in the marriage relationship. And the wife also is to see that she respects her husband. And most of the grammatical commentaries make note that that word ‘respect’ is probably too soft a word. It's the same exact word as you have translated ‘fear’ in verse 21, “In the fear of Christ.” It is the Greek word for fear. So see that she fears her husband. Not in trembling, that everything he says to me I am afraid about, anymore than verse 21, I'm just afraid everything I do is the (same as the) fear of Christ. But it is that reverential respect out of a desire to please God and honor Him that I am acting. So the husband is to love his wife as himself and as Christ loved the church as verses 25ff presented. And the wife is to show the proper fear and respect and desire to honor and obey her husband in everything in every way.

We're going on in Ephesians 6 now and we're going to talk about the children in verses 1-3 and then in verse 4 talk about the father. And in Paul's discussion here the breakdown is more on those in verses 1-3 to talk about the children and just one verse for the parents. And then he'll talk about the slaves being obedient in verses 5-8 and just verse 9 for the masters. In Ephesians 5 the wife's instruction was shorter and the instruction to the husband was longer. In 1 Peter 3 the instruction to the wives is longer and the instruction to the husband . . . I mention this because some commentators make a big deal out of the length here, it's more important for the husband. It's important for both. The Spirit of God directed Peter in writing his account just as the Spirit of God directed Paul in writing his account here in Ephesians. So the point is each is to be careful because of my relationship to the Lord that I want to do what He would have me do.

Come over to Colossians and we'll just look at the two verses, we won't keep coming back to them, Colossians 3:18. Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, three letters written by Paul during the same Roman imprisonment, recorded at the end of the book of Acts. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord,” that's what is fitting, that is what is right, it's what God ordained. “Husbands, love your wives,” and that was elaborated. Here we just have one verse on each—wives in verse 18, husbands in verse 19. Then we have in verses 20-21 the children and the father. Again one verse on each. Now Paul will elaborate under the direction of the Spirit, on the children he'll have three verses as we have it and just one on the father. Then we'll have slaves. So you put it all together you get a picture of what God is talking about. “Children,” Colossians 3:20, “be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” So that's elaborated a little bit in Ephesians 6:1-3, here you have it just be obedient to your parents, that includes the father and the mother, the children are submissive to them, “in all things.” This is what pleases the Lord. So we're talking about children now, we're not talking about a 4-month-old baby because it doesn't have the ability to respond, That doesn't mean correction isn't administered in certain ways early on, but as far as addressing them they wouldn't understand children obey your parents in all things, this is well-pleasing to the Lord. They might coo, they might cry. It doesn't matter. So we're talking about children who are I'd guess elementary age and above, somewhere in there.

And then “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” So a reminder to the fathers who have ultimate responsibility. You'll note, children be obedient to your parents, we're going to have this in Ephesians, it includes both husband and wife but ultimately the father is responsible for his home, for his wife, for the children. So verse 21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they do not lose heart” because ultimately the responsibility for the discipline in the home . . . In our home many years ago now, my mother would just say, go to your room and wait until your father comes home. That was not good. And I could tell time, and as it got near time for my dad to get home I'd come out of my room and be nice to my mother, and she would say, you go back to your room until your father comes home. And that was just not good because ultimately he was responsible. Certain discipline things she might take care of, but if there was any issue, you go wait until your father comes home. And while we're on this, get it out of the way, I tried to explain to my father, I do remember, on occasion that you haven't heard my side. And I never forgot 70+ years ago, you don't have a side, your mother is right even when she is wrong. I knew it wasn't a time for me to try to debate that statement. The point was you obey, period, your mother. If you don't, you are disciplined by me. Turn over, he used a belt, and let's get this over with. So it simplified things in the home. So that idea.

Come back to Ephesians 6. He'll say to children in verse 1, “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” But then in verse 4 it will be “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger” because the ultimate responsibility for the condition of the home rests with the father because that was clear in Ephesians 5:22ff because ultimately the father is in charge of the home. Now what we are talking about is God's perspective. And we have the world and the world keeps pushing in, pushing in, pushing in, pushing in, and over time the devil works to shape the church and shape believers in the church so that they are more like the world. We've had many people leave here and some because the Lord was moving them on to other places. But there have been some who left and they've been in my office because the wife is upset and she is just not coming. Well, what does that have to do with the father? You'll note, each is responsible. Verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” There is a responsibility there even when the wife doesn't function as she should. Even as the wife, as we noted when we talked about this section, has responsibility even when the husband doesn't function as he should. She does.

You have to be careful. “Children,” Ephesians 6:1 as he begins, “obey your parents in the Lord.” And that point is that's His will. We get this idea, now we're talking about children again who are of a certain age that are able to understand because he is addressing them as children. So obviously you are beyond the 4-, 5-, 6-month old, the one year perhaps, but parents discipline early. And the children learn early. But then “Children, obey your parents,” and that includes the husband and the wife, the father and the mother. You “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Why would I do that? Keep in mind he is writing to believers.

Come back to Ephesians 1:1, just as a reminder, “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,” “an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints,” to those who have been set apart by God for Himself, “who are at Ephesus, and who are faithful in Christ Jesus.” And then verse 3, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.” So he is writing to believers. So in Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents,” that's somewhere along the line, somewhere in elementary age, they are accountable for their actions and their decisions. And that would include all the way up.

I remember as I got to be an older teenager, I got married at 20, but I was an older teenager and I didn't think I should have to obey my father any longer. I'm 18, I'm 19, dad, I know I shouldn't have to be in at 11 o'clock just because I'm with that wild, wicked woman (speaking humorously). Because I could go, I'd come in at 11 o'clock and say I'm going down to Atlantic City with the guys, okay. But I had to check in and couldn't be out with Marilyn after 11. But you get to a point where spankings, pretty hard to spank a 19-year-old. He just simply said you don't have to obey these rules when you establish your own home. As long as you are living in this house you are going to do as I decide. You will be in at 11. Period. Now the other option, I guess if you decide to pack up and move out, join the army, whatever, that's your decision, but it's not your decision as long as you are living in my home.

So “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” That goes on, that is an ongoing responsibility for which we are accountable. Obey here is synonymous with subject yourself, you are under the authority of someone else. I mention this because some writers and some of their commentaries are good in most places, but they get here and they want to make a distinction from verse 22, wives who are to be subject to their husbands in verses 22-24, but it doesn't say obey. You can come over to 1 Peter 3, Peter uses Sarah as an example, verse 5, “In this way in former times the holy women, also” those set apart by God for Himself, “who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive.” There is the word that we have used of wives for example in Ephesians 5. And it is explained in 1 Peter 3:6, “just as Sarah obeyed Abraham.” So the submissiveness and the obedience, they are used interchangeably. So the fact that he uses the word ‘obey’ back in Ephesians 6:1 for parents and he uses the word ‘subject’ of the wives . . . One commentator in particular and he is basing it on the Greek text, said, you want to be careful because it tells the wife to be submissive, it doesn't tell her to obey. But he doesn't really explain how you are submissive if you are not obedient. But he makes the point that there is a distinction in the words here. But he doesn't relate to 1 Peter 3:5-6 of Sarah, she was submissive so she obeyed. And in her obedience she showed her submissiveness. So children in Ephesians 6:1, obey your parents because you are to be submissive to your parents. That's what God has established, that's the order that God has established.

Come back to Proverbs 1, I just want to read some proverbs about the submissiveness of children to their parents. And this goes on when you establish your own home, then the husband and the wife are responsible primarily to each other, even though they still honor their parents and show them respect. Proverbs 1:8, “Hear, my son, your father's instruction.” Again, we're talking about children who are old enough to understand instruction. You build that, you can start, a swat on the diaper usually brings the appropriate response from the baby, and they learn. But we're talking about those who are at least able to handle the Word of God. “Hear, my son,” Proverbs 1:8, “your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching.” Again you see the parents, father and mother, are in authority in the home. “Indeed they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck. My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.” Be careful who you are listening to, and listen to your parents.

Proverbs 2:6, “For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding.” So we want to get true wisdom, true understanding from God. This is contrary to the world, and we have children's rights movements and all of that going on. They are not built out of the Word of God and that's just an area where believers are going to be out of step with the world. That's fine. And we ought to be careful we don't try to press the world into our mold because that would just be superficial, that would be external. It has to come from a changed heart. Proverbs 3:1, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.” And we're going to get to that in Ephesians 6. “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” “Trust in the Lord,” verse 5, “with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

What we want to do, we want to model in our home godliness—the authority of the father and the mother over the children, the authority of the father over the whole household, including the mother, the children responsive to both. They ought to see that, they ought to look and say, my mother obeys my father. And my father says I better obey my mother as well as him. This is where we are going in Ephesians. Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.” Verse 11, “My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord or loathe His reproof, for whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.” That's going together here. So we are seeing the father, God ultimately in carrying out His directives through the father in the home through the wife to the children.

Stop in Hosea 14:9, “Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; whoever is discerning, let him know them. For the ways of the Lord are right, and the righteous will walk in them, but transgressors will stumble in them.” That's why we are seeing our country more and more move into confusion, Hosea 14:9. But if we don't model in our Christian homes, wives aren't submissive to their husbands… I've had wives from this congregation sit in my office and tell me, I will not submit. Period. What can I say? Soon I get a notice from the husband, well, I think we're going to go to another church. Well, going to another church, another Bible-believing church, if that's where the Lord wants you, that's fine. But we want to be careful here. What are we looking for? What are we doing? Children-- what do I do? They are kids. Well, do you think kids weren't kids when Solomon wrote, when David wrote, when Hosea wrote, when Paul wrote? Of course they were. And you see the same instruction. Thousands of years may separate some of the writings of the Old and New Testaments, but it doesn't change. Now the world changes because the world is open to everything except God's way. So we have the children's rights movement, children authority and then we take the authority out of the home and away from the parents and we give it to the authorities in other places. Well, that's frustrating but it's not out of the norm. Before in some ways they were still more in line with the Word of God than we are and in other ways they were way outside the Word of God. We want to come and be sure we are learning from the Word.

Look at Romans 1:30. You'll note characteristics of unbelievers and you have this beginning verse 28, “God gave them over to a depraved mind” so they are “filled with all unrighteousness” in everything. And in verse 30, they are slanderers, haters of God and then the last thing in that verse, “disobedient to parents.” Where does it come from? It comes from the heart of the unbeliever and the child is born with a sin nature. He has to be made new by faith in Christ, hopefully early, but we commit them to the Lord. But as long as they are in our home they will meet our standard, they will have to conform to what we believe is right, is the idea. “Disobedient to parents.” We say, kids are kids and that's kids. Yes. But when I was growing up it was a little easier, my parents weren't saved until I was around 10 but they still believed certain things were right and wrong. And you go into school and you did what you were told and you got spanked if you didn't at school. Then they called your parents and you got spanked when you got home for getting spanked at school. Nowadays it's a whole different world, we have to live with that but we understand there are certain biblical truths that will be held in our home.

2 Timothy, one more passage before we go back to Ephesians, 2 Timothy. Paul is writing his last letter here during his second Roman imprisonment, this is an imprisonment that is later than we have at the end of the book of Acts. 2 Timothy 3:1, “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come,” and the last days. So we are getting now toward the coming of the Lord and the finality of what will take place in Revelation. “Men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents.” And then on it goes down to verse 5, “Holding to a form of godliness.” We want to be careful, we want to avoid such men as this that hold on. I read a statistic here in the last year or two, 87% of the churches don't have Sunday evening service anymore. Well, the Bible doesn't say you have to have Sunday evening. It says don't forsake the assembling of yourselves together and so we trust the leaders will provide the occasions when the church meets together. We find a constant battle, the world more and more has taken authority from the parents and given it to whomever, but in our Christian homes now we have to follow what God says and hold to that. We're still in a country where there is enough freedom for us to do that but that could become more and more difficult. Disobedient to parents is just a characteristic of unbelievers, it is built into the fallen nature of that child who is born into your home. That's why you want to start early with obedience.

So come back to Ephesians 6. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Period. This is the right thing, children obey their parents. Period. This is right, this is what you do when you are in the Lord. Now some children, you may have children that aren't walking with the Lord. You can control them but soon they'll move out of your home and then they're out of your control. Obey your parents in the Lord, this is right. “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).” Honor your father and mother, obey your parents, it’s part of being submissive, being filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5:18. It's one of the manifestations. But the children, they can still be conformed. I was saved about 10 but up until that… I lived in a day when of course you do what your parents told you, you do what your grandparents told you. When I stopped at my grandparents' house on the way home and got sugar bread I was careful to do what they told me because if I didn't my dad would take necessary intervention. “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).

So things from the Old Testament. We say we are not under the Mosaic Law. No. But the Mosaic Law still has things that we learn from and even parts of it that are no longer in operation like the Sabbath day, Saturday, we still learn. And we realize even though we are not under the Mosaic Law we learn from the Mosaic Law. So he quotes part of the Law here—“Honor your father and mother, (this is the first commandment with a promise),” Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16, “So that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.” There is basically the commandment. We are to honor our parents which would mean we obey them, we submit to them, we do what they say. Now what if my father is not a believer? Well, maybe he'll become a believer through the life of that child. Honor your father and mother, that's what children are to do regardless of the condition of their parents. We looked at that with the wife like in 1 Peter 3. If your wife is a believer but the husband is not a believer, wives, maybe by your godly and proper conduct you win your husband. My mother was saved before my father, I take it that it partly was through her influence that he was saved. And then it spread down through the children.

There is no guarantee. We won't take the time but the Old Testament talks about God being a father to Israel, but Israel wasn't turning out, Israel wasn't obeying, Israel wasn't functioning. So Israel is under the discipline of God. So parents continue to pray for their kids, they discipline their kids, but then the kids go off on their own. But while they're in the home, they always have that authority. If you're going to live in this home, you will do according to my instruction. You will go to church, Sunday School. This was my dad—Sunday School, Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night and Friday night they have youth . . . You will be involved in all that. The other things, you can adjust your schedule but those things, there is no give on those. You will be involved. Period. Well, I guess I'll do it. There were times, my dad worked at U.S. Steel, he called to say I'm going to be late getting home. Well, that's all right, we don't have to go to church. No, you go to church, I will meet you there, I will be there before it is over. Oh, okay. There was no debate, I just was throwing it out as a possibility for him if he didn't want to. you know, we can just stay home. No, you will go and I will meet you there on my way home and whenever I get done here.

“Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).” Doesn't say if your parents are believers Note this, the submissive one doesn't say, and when we get to the fathers it doesn't have to do with the children are believers. But here for the children, you honor your father and mother by your obedience. “This is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you live long on the earth.” Again, certain things do not hold which were given in the Old Testament. In the land (on the earth) and you live long in the land of Palestine is for Israel. And the Ephesians, they are a Gentile church, but “on the earth,” there is still the basic promise. Now some children die very early, they die along the way, but the basic truth is there that this is one way God honors you. I'm getting close to 80, I tried to honor my parents and that included until the day they died. They are still my parents, I still have responsibility, I still have obligations until they were no longer here. Now things have changed, my first responsibility now became my wife after I married, my home, but I still had to be careful and check on them and do what I could to help and those kinds of things.

“Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise),” fifth one I believe, in Exodus 20:12, “so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” So there are promises and blessings pronounced, that doesn't mean there aren't exceptions to this. What about fathers then? Before we leave this come back to Matthew 15:3, “He answered them… ‘Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, “Honor your father and mother,” and, “He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.” But you say, “Whoever says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,’ he is not to honor his father or his mother.” And by this you invalidated the Word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you, ‘This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’ ” And that holds true, parents/children. My parents were both believers but even if they hadn't I still had the responsibility. Their parents, they still had responsibility and my dad's parents still, as to my knowledge, didn't become believers. But he still had responsibility to see that they were cared for, provided for. His responsibility wasn't dependent on theirs, but he still prayed for them, we still shared the Gospel with them as we had opportunity. We want to be careful, we give lip service… We go back to husbands and wives. I've had women telling me they are so godly but they wouldn't come to this church. I'm too godly to sit under your ministry. But their husband is shaking his head, saying I don't know what to do. Children-- I can say you are going to obey in this home or it is going to be painfully difficult for you because you have to obey while you are living in this home. Period.

Come back to Ephesians, there is a verse in Leviticus 19:3 you can jot down but we won't take time to turn there. Now again, we had the wife's responsibility, then we had the husband's; we had the children's, they are to be submissive to both parents. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,” because the fathers ultimately, if they are not obeying the mother . . . Just like in our home when I was young my mother would say, go to your room and wait until your father comes home and he'll settle it. That was not good. My mother didn't use the belt, my dad did, and I'm sure that was the only occasion, the one I remember (speaking humorously). But it was you go to your room and wait for your father to come home. That said it all. So you develop a pattern, it's better I do what she says. Another thing my dad said is your mother is right even when she is wrong. That I remember, too. So I don't have to make the decision, will he be on my side. So “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

So it doesn't mean now the father can do as he pleases anymore than the husband can do as he pleases. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church but that doesn't have anything to do with what the wife has to do. The wife’s submission doesn't have anything to do with the husband. So here, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” We're not going to come down to: I'm in charge, you do what I say, period, that's it. In one sense that is true but it's not the biblical balance. You don't provoke your children to anger, you don't stir them up. In Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Yes, I can do that, I'm in charge, I run this house, you do what I say. Do not provoke your children to anger. There is a proper way. My dad would sit down, would give me reasons why I was going to get a spanking, why it was necessary, why the punishment was needed to be meted out so I would understand. “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I have to do this, until they become believers, then you can share with them, I'm doing this because this is what God requires, this is what is necessary. Okay, I'll never do it again. That's fine, this is being spanked with the belt for what you did. I hope that you will consider this for the future. But it's not enough to say now I'm home free. “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

We're going to run through a number of verses here. Come back to 1 Samuel 3, and Eli was a godly man but he was not consistently godly. So verse 13, God tells Samuel and Samuel can tell Eli. Samuel will be Eli's replacement, remember. But in 1 Samuel 3:13, “For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves.” Now they were born sinners, but the last part of this is very important—“he did not rebuke them.” He couldn't change them but he did not rebuke them. They might have still continued on their way after their rebuke as Israel did with God as their Father. But Eli didn't fulfill what his responsibility was that gives God another chance to work in their lives, which is always the case. So, important verse.

Proverbs 13, there are so many verses and we want to be careful that we continue to keep ourselves immersed in the Word of God so that these things come to our mind. Proverbs 13 begins in verse 1, “A wise son accepts his father's discipline, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.” So there's a chance you won't . . . You'll discipline your children, you'll be as consistent with the Word of God as you can but your son may be a scoffer. You don't give up on him, maybe he'll be saved when he is 30, maybe he'll be saved when he is 60, should the Lord tarry. We don't know. All we know is our responsibility.

Come down to verse 24, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Now again that is a godly discipline, that is discipline according to the Word of God, that is explaining why it is necessary that you be disciplined, that you be spanked. I know spanking and any kind of physical . . . But “he who withholds his rod hates his son.” Well, I reason with him, I tell him. But there are times when he didn't do what he was told to do, then the rod, the belt, the ping pong paddle which is what we used in our home because it was easy to transport, just fit right down beside the seat. You discipline them diligently.

Proverbs 19:18, “Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.” Maybe I didn't get saved until I was grown and my children were grown. Then all we can do is explain to them the truth of God, but you are now an adult and you are accountable to God for your behavior.

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Not a guarantee of his salvation, but it's a guarantee that generally speaking . . . Even when I was younger and the Word of God… my parents periodically went to a church but it wasn't believing, but still back when I was a child discipline was expected. They spanked you at school if you didn't do what you . . . I mean nowadays the teacher would be arrested if they spanked the child in school. Here, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Now that doesn't guarantee the change of heart but it is part of what God uses. Verse 15, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” It starts early and we see it early in very young children and you start the discipline early. Certain things are not acceptable in this house, they will not be tolerated. And the sooner you start and they realize that… Then progressively there will come a time when the rod of discipline will be necessary and that will be applied. We will have standards in our home, as long as you live here you will be responsible for those standards.

Proverbs 23:13, “Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.” That's getting serious. I want to be careful. I want to raise my children with discipline. And we begin to… well, the world and the pressure of the world and pretty soon Sunday morning, Sunday School, Sunday night, Wednesday night, that's too much. My parents were awful busy, my dad worked at the steel mill and sometimes he got home at 5:00, sometimes he got home at 7:00. It didn't mean I could take over the house. So “do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.” He may squawk a little but that's fine, you want him to know. “You shall strike him with a rod and rescue his soul from Sheol.” It's important.

One more passage, there were many, I hope you read Proverbs regularly because it is a good reminder on a variety of areas. Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” And we're seeing the mother and the father, and ultimately the father, is responsible for the discipline in the home. Doesn't mean the mother never disciplines, but ultimately discipline rests with the father. When the father won't discipline, then you have trouble. Verse 17, “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul. Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, but happy is he who keeps the law.” In other words, we want to remember the Word of God and we want to obey it. So my children should see it in the relationship I have with their mother, my wife, that she submits to me. And I love her and they submit to us both and we love them and there is discipline when there is disobedience.

Come back to Ephesians as we wrap this up. This is all under the direction and control of the Spirit of God. We're back to Ephesians 5:18, “Be filled with the Spirit” is the basic command, the command that we are doing is we are speaking to one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual song. I used to have to say to people, move in. Now there is room to spread out. Well, how can you speak to one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs if you don't get together? We are not to forsake the assembling. I realize some people have moved on to other churches, some people move on to other churches and I've met some of them . . . where do you go? Well, we're really not going anywhere now. Well, something is wrong. Giving thanks, being subject and then the subjection—wives to husbands. Well, as much as possible I am a submissive wife. There are obviously things that may . . . But just because I don't like what he says, I don't agree with what he does, I submit. That models for the children in Ephesians 6:1-3.

And then fathers “do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I want to explain to you why this is necessary, why you are getting a spanking, why that conduct is not acceptable. It's not that I lost it, or I lost my temper and . . . Well maybe I tell the child, go to your room, I'll be there to talk to you shortly. Get yourself settled down, I first have to be sure I am being biblical. God doesn't discipline me because He lost His temper and then He has to apologize. No. So go to your room, I'll be there shortly. And when I come, here is why you are getting disciplined, you didn't do what your mother told you. Well, you didn't hear my side. I can still hear my dad, this was before I was 10 so it goes back. Your mother is right even when she is wrong. Do you understand? That was just another way of saying you don't have a side. Now turn over and we'll get this over with. But explain the biblical . . . “Do not provoke your children to anger,” I'm in charge and this is the way we do it. I want to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” so I want them to know why this is necessary. And I'm doing it for your good and so that you will learn a lesson. What if I do it tomorrow? We'll add another one. What if I do it ten times? Well one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight… I guess you'll decide.

All back to Ephesians 5:18, “Be filled with the Spirit.” So everybody has his responsibility—wives, husbands, children, parents, we're going to get to slaves, masters. I don't have an excuse, I am responsible to God. Well, they didn't do . . . Well, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, this is about you. What did you do? How did you handle it? What was your response to My word in this? “Children, obey your parents,” “fathers, do not provoke your children.” And we do it under the control of the Spirit.

Let's pray together. Thank you, Lord, for the simplicity of Your Word, it's a beautiful Word, it's a clear Word, it's a Word that we as parents, as husbands, as wives, workers, employees, we all need to be reminded that we need to function biblically. We need to be careful that we are functioning biblically. I pray for the parents that we have and their exercising discipline in their home, that it would be according to Your Word, it would be faithful, it would be consistent, it would be honoring to You. We desire that the children that we have might grow up to know You, and the grandchildren, the great-grandchildren. But Lord it is all in Your hands, their salvation is in Your hands. But we are responsible so we would handle our responsibility, each of us individually, carefully, so that we are biblical, so that our young people see in us as parents, as adults, biblical conduct, that they understand even when they rebel against it that it is because of what You have said, the instruction You have given. We commit ourselves to You in Christ's name, amen.